Todd Garner

Todd Garner

Todd Garner Quick Links

Film RSS

Next Review


Weak
If the protagonist of Next were to use his ability to peer two minutes into the future before watching Next, he'd probably have enough to go on to skip it altogether. That's how long it takes to tell the movie will be high on concept and low on content. To find out just how bad it gets, though, he'd have to watch the whole film.

Nicolas Cage plays Cris Johnson, a Las Vegas entertainer disguising his true abilities with a cheesy stage show. FBI Agent Callie Ferris (Julianne Moore) has decided that the best way to stop a smuggled nuclear bomb from detonating somewhere in the U.S. is to use Johnson's talent for prognostication. Never mind the fact that he can only see two minutes into the future, giving her a very brief window in which to act if he were to see the bomb. That's about the level of logic at which this film operates.

Continue reading: Next Review

The Fog (2005) Review


Terrible
It should be an unwritten rule of moviegoing: if it's not reviewed in the papers (or here) by Friday you shouldn't see it. Studios know when they have critical duds on their hands. They know when a film is atrociously acted, exceedingly dull, and entirely contrived. They don't screen those films for critics. They don't want the bad press on opening night. For a good many films, this sort of passive aggressive deception works. People go to see the films and the studios make their money back. My only hope is that you take my advice: If it hasn't been reviewed on Friday, wait a day. Or two. Then look online for the review. Chances are it'll be like this one.

The Fog is a terrible movie. Simply put, it sucks. It should have gone straight to video. No, even that is a better fate. It should have gone directly to the Sci-Fi Channel, the latest repository for "new" terrible films.

Continue reading: The Fog (2005) Review

The New Guy (2002) Review


Terrible
When the screenwriter responsible for one of the worst movies of one year directs an equally miserable film the following year, you'd have a hard time believing it was just coincidence. But Ed Decter, writer of the horribly unfunny Freddie Prinze Jr. clunker Head Over Heels, takes the directing reins for the first time with the remarkably lame teen comedy The New Guy.

The premise is simple: a high school ugly duckling named Dizzy (Road Trip's DJ Qualls) turns it around and starts fresh at a new school, strutting like a badass and making a new personality for himself as a guy named Gil. The supposedly funny twist is that he gets his education in cool while hanging at a prison, taking lessons in toughness from Eddie Griffin (wasted in his short appearance), learning how to dance like a hipster from Horatio Sanz (also wasted), and getting a makeover from the stereotypical cross-dressing cons in the pen. In each scene, Decter and screenwriter David Kendall (big blame goes to him too) want to get right to the funny immediately - the only problem is that each attempt results in a vacant black hole.

Continue reading: The New Guy (2002) Review

Todd Garner

Todd Garner Quick Links

Film RSS

Occupation

Filmmaker


Suggested

System Of A Down - Protect The Land Video

System Of A Down - Protect The Land Video

System of a Down have never been ones to shy away from social and political issues, but 'Protect The Land' is one of the most powerful...

Ace Of Spades: Celebrating the 40th anniversary of Motorhead's most iconic album

Ace Of Spades: Celebrating the 40th anniversary of Motorhead's most iconic album

It's been 40 years since Motorhead dropped their iconic album Ace of Spades, but its legacy is ageless.

Todd Garner Movies

Next Movie Review

Next Movie Review

If the protagonist of Next were to use his ability to peer two minutes into...

The Fog (2005) Movie Review

The Fog (2005) Movie Review

It should be an unwritten rule of moviegoing: if it's not reviewed in the papers...

The New Guy (2002) Movie Review

The New Guy (2002) Movie Review

When the screenwriter responsible for one of the worst movies of one year directs an...

Artists
Actors
    Filmmakers
      Artists
      Bands
        Musicians
          Artists
          Celebrities
             
              Artists
              Interviews