It is with no little trepidation that one first listens to the debut album from The Burn. The alarm bells are set ringing when you note that Noel 'Proud Mary' Gallagher has bestowed upon them his personal seal of approval. Those bells become deafening when you realise that they represent the next generation of Weller acolytes. Visions of Ocean Colour Scene flash Hammer Horror style in your head.

After spending but seconds in the company of 'Sally O' Mattress', it has become unfortunately clear that all imagined terrors were well founded. For this, is music as trad and 70's obsessed as it comes. Those misguided few who listen should do so whilst eating fondue and sporting a Kevin Keegan perm.

First up is 'Calling All', which treats us to lead singer Mick ? best (and his best is far from good enough) Liam impression, and some jingly jangly indie guitar circa 1996. Those were the days, not. Then we have 'Fight the Fire' the ideal gift for the favourite masochist in your life, combining as it does a churning 'Scene guitar mudslide with a fantastically self indulgent Led Zep finale. "I'm gonna take you higher", Mick ?, sings. Cool, when?

So it's drab and its derivative, but what really propels 'Sally O' Mattress' into a far higher league of infamy are the excruciating lyrics, which permeate the sonic dirge.

Exhibit A is 'Steel Kneel', where you will be able to pick out of the leaden sludge the words: "Time after time I have been warned that hell hath no fury like a woman' scorn". Exhibit B is the agonising boogie woogie number 'Drunken Fool' where we are urged, ladies, and gentleman of the jury to "scream and shout, let it all out" (actually mate I'll pass). In closing, I would like to draw your attention to Exhibit C, the hypnotically dull 'Water to a Drowning Man' where we are told that: "Times an ocean and the tide is low". In short, this album is jam packed with philosophy of the most hackneyed kind, conceived on the back of a beer mat down the local boozer.

Hollow eyed the strong amongst us reach final track, 'The Cove', a nautical instrumental wig out. Listeners may choose this moment to be sick over the side.

Sally O' Mattress; burn it in the old fashioned way.

Alistair Hann