There's really no excuses here. Despite not one single person clamouring for a rebooted Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, Paramount went and did it anyway - throwing $125 million at the thing and letting Michael Bay produce. The early on-set shots looked frankly ridiculous and it seems all the post-production in the world couldn't have saved this one. 

Teenage Mutant Ninja TurtlesTeenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is out now

The movie stars Megan Fox as April O'Neil, the Gotham reporter who works with the mutant turtles to save the city from Shredder and his evil Foot Clan. Bay had angered die-hard turtle fans (there are some, apparently) when, in 2013, he suggested scrapping the original backstory of radioactive ooze and anthropomorphic powers to have the turtles become "loveable aliens". Well, despite backing down on those threats, Bay and his team appear to have made a movie that nobody - nobody - understands. 

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"For having gone to the trouble of making a self-descriptive movie called Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, its producers seem ultimately unsure about its most basic concept," said Cliff Lee of the Globe & Mail.

Teenage Mutant Ninja TurtlesLook at that big turtle head

"There is something half-hearted about the entire film, as if those behind it were involved not because they wanted to make it, not because they should make it, but just because they could," said Mark Olsen of the Los Angeles Times.

"Attached to this movie, the title no longer sounds zany; it looks like a series of keywords," said Nicholas Rapold of  the New York Times.

"Not much of an effort is made to differentiate the personalities of the turtles, who all frankly look as grotesque as a Terry Gilliam cartoon," said Peter Howell of the Toronto Star.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is out in theaters from today (August 8, 2014). 

Watch the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles trailer: