Aloha, Cameron Crowe's return to the director's chair should have been glorious. A romantic comedy-drama starring Bradley Cooper, Emma Stone, Rachel McAdams, Bill Murray, John Krasinski, Danny McBride and Alec Baldwin? There's no excuse to get this one wrong.

AlohaBradley Cooper plays a defence contractor in Cameron Crowe's Aloha

The film follows Brian Gilcrest (Cooper), a defence contractor who falls for Allison (Stone), an Air Force pilot, after he is assigned to oversee the launch of a weapons satellite from Hawaii. Sounds a reasonable narrative, right? Well, it's awful.

"Crowe introduces a serious topic without really examining it, and even the romance feels off, with a pair of lovers who seem mismatched. To complete the picture, Crowe tags on an ending that's convenient but not convincing," said Mick LaSalle of San Francisco Chronicle.

More: Rachel McAdams joins Cameron Crowe's new movie - though is it the new Jerry Maguire?

"The plot is a hash when it's not a drag, and the 100-odd-minute cut of the film arriving in theaters on Friday seems hacked from something longer and baggier," wrote A.O Scott of the New York Times.

"Aloha is a marshmallow of a film: soft on the inside, soft on the outside and wholly devoid of substance," said Nathan Rabin of Globe and Mail.

More: Christina Hendricks, Luke Wilson set for Cameron Crowe movie Roadies

"Equally hobbled by an amateurish script and vaguely defined characters, the movie's long list of mediocrities have an anonymous quality, as though the director has been completely reborn as a hack," said Greg Cwik of indieWire.

"Where to begin with Aloha? Begin by not going to the movie," said Tom Long of Detroit News.

Aloha - which cost $40 million to make (most of which probably went on the acting talent) - is out on Friday (May 29, 2015).

Watch the trailer for Aloha: