Yoram Globus

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Superman IV: The Quest For Peace Review


Terrible
Christopher Reeve allegedly insisted that if he was going to slum his way through a fourth Superman movie, it would have to involve a story about nuclear disarmament. Noble, yes, but after Supe tosses all the nukes into the sun, Lex Luthor tosses token villain "Nuclear Man" (Mark Pillow, whose career was promptly killed after this debacle) into the mix. Pathetic battle, combined with the usual "hide that secret identity!" subplot, ensues. Worst of all are the special effects: I didn't think you could make an entire movie on a bluescreen in 1987, but damn if director Sidney J. Furie doesn't try. I've also never seen people falling sooo sloooooowlyyyyyyyyyy. Avoid!

The Last American Virgin Review


Good
Ridiculous yet irrepressibly fun, The Last American Virgin rivals Porky's as perhaps the raunchiest sex comedy of the '80s. Each scene careens from one teen copulation -- aborted or completed -- to another, with only the barest of plots to connect them all. It's uttelry absurd, and yet it has one of the best soundtracks ever put to film. Trust me!

Superman IV: The Quest For Peace Review


Terrible
Christopher Reeve allegedly insisted that if he was going to slum his way through a fourth Superman movie, it would have to involve a story about nuclear disarmament. Noble, yes, but after Supe tosses all the nukes into the sun, Lex Luthor tosses token villain "Nuclear Man" (Mark Pillow, whose career was promptly killed after this debacle) into the mix. Pathetic battle, combined with the usual "hide that secret identity!" subplot, ensues. Worst of all are the special effects: I didn't think you could make an entire movie on a bluescreen in 1987, but damn if director Sidney J. Furie doesn't try. I've also never seen people falling sooo sloooooowlyyyyyyyyyy. Avoid!

Runaway Train Review


Excellent
To say Runaway Train is wholly contrived would be an understatement, but this is one hell of a movie -- all despite a silly setup, a lousy name, the appearance of Eric Roberts (who earned an Oscar nomination), and a Russian director who has done nothing of note before or since. It's a prison break movie with a twist: 30 minutes after the beginning of the film, there's still no train despite the title... but then grizzly convict Jon Voight (also an Oscar nominee) and the dimwit weasel Roberts are away from their Alaskan prison and hop aboard a train, destined to escape the eye of the law. But the engineer promptly dies, falls off the engine, and sends the train into a full-throttle nightmare. Convicts end up teaming with a sleeping assistant (Rebecca De Mornay) to try to stop the train.

Totally ridiculous (and based on the work of Akira Kurosawa!) but very exciting. And this -- or so it seems -- is really shot on a speeding train. No miniatures. Tons of stunts. Insane.

Continue reading: Runaway Train Review

Sinbad Of The Seven Seas Review


Terrible
I don't know why I subject myself to these movies. Sure, there's the camp factor, the kitsch taste, the party jokes, the nostalgia, but in the end I'm not sure it's worth wasting brain cells on this tripe. Maybe I've gotten a little more cynical, maybe my interest has simply waned but right now there is nothing more painful than a bad Italian peplum.

Um, I've already slipped into geek speak. Peplum, that's the "fancy" word for "sword and sandal" flicks like Steve Reeves' 1960s Hercules films. Most of the most popular peplums (believe it or not there is (or was, it's been a while since I looked) a 'zine devoted to the study of them) involve hordes of barbarians, Romans, infidels, or nameless thugs battling lone supermen in loincloths. These are mythic tales told with shoestring budgets and dubbed. They are quite a bit of fun after a few beers but watching them sober is quite dangerous.

Continue reading: Sinbad Of The Seven Seas Review

The Apple Review


Weak
This bizarre musical about music, drugs, Orwellian overlords, and the future (it's set in 1994!) doesn't get a lot of respect, and that's because it's pretty much crap. No, we're not wearing metallic ponchos and triangles on our foreheads, but they sure did a good job at guessing what the hairstyles of the '90s would look like. The story involves nefarious goings-on in a mega-powerful record label that isn't really worth describing here, on account of it has no Hasselhoff in it at all. However, I'm sure the backstory about how this movie got made is fascinating.

Invaders From Mars Review


Bad
Hunter Carson describes one of the titular invaders as "a giant Mr. Potato Head" and that's about as spot on a description you can get for the plasticine mind-suckers that come to earth to take over our hero's parents' brains. Unbearable special effects are the worst part of this remake of the 1953 classic; the rest of the movie is merely forgettable.
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Sinbad of the Seven Seas Movie Review

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I don't know why I subject myself to these movies. Sure, there's the camp factor,...

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