R&B star Usher feared he would never perform again after suffering a breakdown onstage in Berlin, Germany last year (11), as the pressures of his personal life got the better of him.
The singer walked off stage after playing just one song and later blamed the incident on a sinus infection, but he now admits it was all a cover up to hide the fact that he was suffering a life crisis after his nasty split from his ex-wife Tameka Foster and their bitter custody battle over their two boys.
The loss of his estranged father Usher Raymond Iii three years prior and his strained relationship with his mother Jonetta also played a part in his troubles and, at that moment, when he broke down in front of fans, the Yeah! hitmaker thought he would not be able to recover.
In a candid interview with Oprah Winfrey, which aired in the U.S. on Sunday (16Sep12), he explained, "I had even said that I had a sinus infection because I never talked to anybody about my breakdown. I didn't want them to say, 'Wow, he's unstable, he can't cope with being an entertainer and a dad... So that was going on in my mind; it was because I could not see my boys, and right as I'm getting ready to open up my Berlin show, I'm expecting them (to arrive). They don't come, and I'm gonna be gone (on tour) for two months."
Usher felt terrible for letting his fans down and it was only after he was able to reconnect with his kids via a video messaging device that he finally felt like he could face getting back on stage.
Recalling the doomed concert, he added, "I think I made it through the first number and when I lifted my voice, I remember it just not being there. It was just gone and I felt like I would never perform again. Wow. I'd never been booed before, I felt like a failure. I felt like a failure to them (the fans), I felt like a failure to my sons. I just felt helpless, what can I do? I broke down and I didn't get myself back together for a minute. I cancelled a lot of dates and eventually, I picked the tour back up and I was able to see them (his sons) on the computer, and get a sense that they were at least Ok."
Usher won primary custody of his young sons last month (Aug12) and his ex-wife's request for an appeal hearing has been denied.