Rocker Trey Anastasio has opened up about his secret drug and alcohol abuse issues, insisting his past addictions have turned him off narcotics for good.
The Phish frontman reveals he hit rock bottom just before his cult group split in 2004, and lost the confidence of his bandmates.
He tells Rolling Stone magazine, "I'd let everyone down, which was my worst nightmare ever.
"(Phish keyboard player) Page (MCConnell) pulled me aside and said, 'For 20 years, I've had 100 per cent faith that you would lead us onstage, and it's always made me feel good. For the first time, I'm not so sure I feel that anymore."
And Anastasio confesses his issues had "sucked all the life out of the music and relationships".
He adds, "The first time I tried cocaine, I fell asleep... There was always drinking, pot, psychedelics. I'm sure there was a lot of self-medicating, self-discovery going on."
In December, 2006, the rock star was pulled over for erratic driving in upstate New York. Police caught him in possession of prescription drugs that weren't in his name and he was handed a 14-month community service sentence.
The arrest prompted Anastasio to turn his life around and he now insists, "I f**king hate drugs. I really do."