Tori Spelling admits her heart is broken after her husband Dean McDermott cheated on her in December but is hesitant to file for divorce for the sake of their four children.
The former 'Beverly Hills 90210' star was ''absolutely blindsided'' when her husband checked into a rehab facility in January, after it emerged he cheated on her with Emily Goodhand, 28, during a trip to Canada in December.
The 40-year-old actress told Us Weekly magazine: ''He was my soulmate, but he completely broke my heart.''
The blonde beauty - who has four children, Liam, seven, Stella, five, Hattie, two, and 20-month-old Finn, with Dean, is upset for being criticised for not filing for a divorce and her decision to air their troubles on her upcoming reality series, 'True Tori.'
She said: ''I feel so judged, but it's not black and white.
''There are children involved. I need to try to figure this out. You don't stop loving someone because they do something really bad to you.''
'Chopped Canada' host Dean confessed to having an affair after reports surfaced in the media.
She said: ''He didn't want to get graphic. I didn't want him to. We kept it to the facts. It wasn't about feelings. I listened and made sure I didn't show emotion. I didn't cry. He didn't cry. He sounded remorseful. He sounded like a husband who had gotten caught.''
The actress still hasn't decided if she and Dean will stay together.
She said: ''If I can't ever let my guard down again, then there can't always be a relationship. I always said, 'If he ever cheated on me I would be out of there!' Whether I can ever trust him again. That's the big question.
''But until I figure that out, I don't want the kids to know any different.''