We sort of got the point ofThe Expendables(2010). It was fun, nostalgic and silly. Most people enjoyed it - which Sylvester Stallone took as "please make another one". So, we gotThe Expendables 2. It was decent. Visually, it was probably better than the first - but let's get things clear, nobody - nobody - wanted The Expendables 3.
The Expendables 3 cast
And yet here we are. Telling you that The Expendables 3 isn't very good. It stars Stallone and Jason Statham as Barney and Christmas - going head-to-head Conrad Stonebanks (Mel Gibson). Conrad founded the Expendables years ago but sadly became a ruthless arms trader who Barney must now apparently kill.
"The latest in the continuing saga of Sylvester Stallone's mission to provide a work week or two to as many of his old pals as possible," said Michael Phillips of the Chicago Tribune.
More: You know Sylvester Stallone hates guns right?
More: Who leaked The Expendables 3?
"Most of us have probably seen episodes of "Antiques Roadshow'' more exciting than this PG-13-rated, interminably boring "action'' fiasco," said Lou Lumenick of the New York Post.
"These are guys for whom failure is not an option, but sadly nor is going more than an hour without needing the toilet," wrote Peter Bradshaw of the Guardian.
"It's a bit like watching old friends drunkenly mud wrestle: it's good to see them, but not like this," wrote Peter Canavese of Groucho Reviews.
Old Sylvester in 'The Expendables 3'
"Bloated at 126 minutes, its long-windedness a letdown for a franchise that has yet to capture a confident, clip tone and rhythm. The further it goes, the more it falls victim to this lugubriousness," wrote Dustin Putman.
As you'll probably know, The Expendables 3 leaked online weeks ago, with over 2.2 million illegally downloading it. Yet, analysts suggests this will not hurt Lionsgate's box-office - which it desperately needs. The indie flick Snowpiercer was illegally available months before its domestic release yet it thrived in the independent cinemas, making $4 million and sizing up to the likes of Captain America: The Winter Soldier in terms of per-theatre-average.
The Expendables 3 is out now.
Watch The Expendables 3 trailer: