Shane Brolly

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Underworld (2003) Review


Bad
Underworld's trailer makes it looks wonderfully slick and dark in the tradition of The Matrix and Blade; but after seeing it, you'll realize that everything that seemed dazzling was simply stolen and then abused - from its Dark Shadows-meets-Matrix costumes to its Blade weaponry to its Nine Inch Nails video backdrops. Nothing about Underworld is original; it's a hackneyed, patched-together goth-kid fantasy that I'm convinced was written a 15-year-old boy who wears black eyeliner (think the Saturday Night Live skit "Goth Talk").

Straight out of Marilyn Manson's wet dreams comes the fantastical storyline: For centuries, vampires have battled werewolves, known here as Lycans. It's not really clear why they've been battling, even after the film sort of reveals the reason; so we'll leave it there. The Vampires are depicted as aristocratic sophisticates who prefer fine crystal and Porsches, whereas the Lycans are filthy street thugs who morph into ferocious dog-like monsters.

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Room 6 Review


Bad
How scary is Room 6? It's so freakin' scary they call it R66m 6! That's 60 percent sixes out of the whole title! That's a lot of six.

In the film, and I use "film" in the loosest possible way, Christine Taylor attempts to prevent her career from slipping further into irrelevance. The sad fact is that aside from films wherein she either plays a Brady or in which her husband (Ben Stiller) took pity on her and gave her a part, she's really going nowhere fast.

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Flypaper Review


Bad
Would that I could tell you, gentle reader, what this movie is actually about. A meaningless hodgepodge of stories about snakes, bondage, kidnapping, and God knows what else. It's too bad, because there are actually some decent actors here. Lord knows why they took the parts. A pathetic excuse for a film, redeemed only in a miniscule way by Jeffrey Jones' cameo at the very end of the picture.

Underworld Review


Bad
Underworld's trailer makes it looks wonderfully slick and dark in the tradition of The Matrix and Blade; but after seeing it, you'll realize that everything that seemed dazzling was simply stolen and then abused - from its Dark Shadows-meets-Matrix costumes to its Blade weaponry to its Nine Inch Nails video backdrops. Nothing about Underworld is original; it's a hackneyed, patched-together goth-kid fantasy that I'm convinced was written a 15-year-old boy who wears black eyeliner (think the Saturday Night Live skit "Goth Talk").

Straight out of Marilyn Manson's wet dreams comes the fantastical storyline: For centuries, vampires have battled werewolves, known here as Lycans. It's not really clear why they've been battling, even after the film sort of reveals the reason; so we'll leave it there. The Vampires are depicted as aristocratic sophisticates who prefer fine crystal and Porsches, whereas the Lycans are filthy street thugs who morph into ferocious dog-like monsters.

Continue reading: Underworld Review

Underworld Review


Terrible

"Underworld" might have been one bad-ass B-movie, if only its plot about a war between vampires and werewolves had been seen by co-writer/director Len Wiseman as anything more than a token gimmick on which to hang "Matrix"-mimicking action and antiquated genre clichés.

Thick with mold-breaking potential that goes completely unexplored, the picture is populated by cardboard cutouts of aristocratic, clownishly Goth-fashioned bloodsuckers and sunken-eyed, greasy-haired, heavy-metal headbanger-styled lycans (a fancy word for werewolves). The two races exhaust every trite and tired facet of their respective horror folklore in a story that has obviously, and rather clumsily, had elements edited out -- including a romance between warrior vampiress Selene (Kate Beckinsale) and Michael (Scott Speedman), a human with werewolf ancestry.

When Kraven (ravenous scenery glutton Shane Brolly) -- the conniving, devious, temporary leader of the vampires while their sovereign is entombed in hibernation -- orders the human killed because his DNA could change the course of the centuries-old war, Selene risks her life to save the guy for reasons that aren't entirely clear in this final version of the film.

Continue reading: Underworld Review

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Shane Brolly Movies

Spread Trailer

Spread Trailer

Watch the trailer for SpreadNikki knows exactly how to get what he wants from the...

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Underworld Movie Review

Underworld Movie Review

Underworld's trailer makes it looks wonderfully slick and dark in the tradition of The Matrix...

Underworld Movie Review

Underworld Movie Review

"Underworld" might have been one bad-ass B-movie, if only its plot about a war between...

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