Sean Amsing

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Bones Review


Weak
In this cheesy flick, rapper extraordinaire Snoop Dogg simply barks up the wrong tree. Snoop, who has previously tested the acting waters with his menacing persona in inner city dramas such as Training Day and Baby Boy, gets to strut his stuff in director Ernest Dickerson's garishly laughable thriller. Dickerson (Juice) wastes his star in a labored vehicle that is riddled with misguided camp and countless spook-infested clichés. Not enough to even deem this imbecilic fable a worthy copycat blaxploitation flick, there are sticks and stones that can certainly break the brittle Bones. No doubt the filmmakers behind this bloated hip-hoppish Halloween costume drama will draw its intended audience to see their "phat" Snoop Dogg do his thing. It's too bad he plays second fiddle to the ridiculous premise of this mockish movie.

Snoop Dogg portrays charismatic hood Jimmy Bones, a stylish late '70s dude with a cool demeanor to match his threads. Jimmy has always protected his community by looking out for his crime-ridden neighborhood. He possesses the cocky swagger of John Shaft and the street savvy of Superfly's Priest. We're told in flashback that Jimmy Bones refused to deal crack cocaine to his beloved people, and thus the crooked cops and thugs snuffed him out. But nobody betrays Jimmy Bones -- nobody! So he comes back from the dead.

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Rollercoaster Review


Bad
At a certain unnamed Six Flags, somewhere in the country, I once had a girlfriend. She worked at the giant teepee at Frontier Land. When we first met, we ended up talking for something close to four hours, during which time the subject of the conversation inevitably turned to work, and she explained a certain ritual called the Swimsuit Relay. The Swimsuit Relay takes place in the diving pool, and occurs as part of a series of pre-park-opening events during the last days of the season.

Recalling the rules from memory, each team has 20 people on it, 10 of each sex. There is one female's one-piece to a team. It starts on one girl, who swims to the opposite side, places it on a boy, who then swims back and places the suit on the next girl.

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Bones Review


OK

Before its last-reel nosedive into bullpucky about a parallel world of the dead, the hip-hop horror flick "Bones" is gutsy, stylish and inventive.

Building on the foundation of a haunted house plot, director Ernest Dickerson mixes great B-movie goosebumps with a revenge fantasy that takes aim at how drug culture has overrun black neighborhoods turning them into ghettos.

He introduces a trio of young urban entrepreneurs who plan to renovate a long-abandoned, ominously cathedral-like brownstone in a bad neighborhood, opening it as a nightclub when they're done. But we know from the get-go that the deck is stacked against them. In the movie's opening scene, two white-bread frat boys looking to score dope get dragged into the place and gored by a red-eyed demon dog that the whole 'hood likes to pretend doesn't exist.

Continue reading: Bones Review

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Sean Amsing Movies

Bones Movie Review

Bones Movie Review

In this cheesy flick, rapper extraordinaire Snoop Dogg simply barks up the wrong tree....

Rollercoaster Movie Review

Rollercoaster Movie Review

At a certain unnamed Six Flags, somewhere in the country, I once had a girlfriend....

Bones Movie Review

Bones Movie Review

Before its last-reel nosedive into bullpucky about a parallel world of the dead, the hip-hop...

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