Rupert Everett admits struggling to book acting jobs felt like ''dying'' but he insists it was ''exciting'' and ''opened doors'' when he starred in a successful film.
The 'My Best Friend's Wedding' star was bitterly disappointed when he failed to secure roles in films and became notorious for his wild ways instead.
The 56-year-old actor said: ''I loved it - it was exciting. Being successful is always great. It opened doors.
''It's very disappointing when [doors close] but in careers you die all the time. Sometimes they like you and then they decide not to like you and you're lost and it's the nearest thing to dying.''
Rupert has since reinvented himself as an author, although he has an Oscar Wilde script in the pipeline he plans to turn into a film, and he is ''proud'' to have survived the cut-throat industry and come out of his rebellious phase.
He said: ''I'm proud to survive. I was quite good looking when I was young - that gets you quite a long way in showbusiness and I was also quite aggressive. There was nothing miraculous that happened to me really.''
However, the star insists he was never a drug addict and he was just going through a strange phase.
He told OK! magazine: ''When you're young lots of strange things happen. You rebel and you get wherever you get in the rebellion. You make tonnes of mistakes. Hopefully you survive. You die a lot. Your career goes up and down.
''None of it is that bizarre. Just because I've spoken about things doesn't mean that ... I wasn't a junkie ever.''