Ron Selmour

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Impulse Review

Self-obsessed pop star and Dancing with the Stars also-ran Willa Ford makes her debut star turn (not counting the title role in Anna Nicole, I mean... how could you?) in Impulse. What must be a tragic heartbreak to Ms. Ford, the movie went straight to DVD. One wonders, if she had known it would turn out so poorly, if she would have agreed to spend so much time in the film with her clothes off.

There's a glimmer of cleverness in the story: Claire (Ford) finds her marriage to her puffy, stuffy husband Jonathan (Angus Macfadyen) is starting to fade, so she's constantly experimenting with role-playing to try to get some fire back in the sack. One of her games is for them to pretend they don't know each other at all, which makes for a fun roll in the hay. Claire is surprised when Jonathan shows up to meet her on a business trip out of town, and he plays along in the hotel bar, pretending he doesn't know who she is when she makes a pass at him. After a roll in the hay, she's reinvigorated. She gets a strange text message and agrees to another fling. Only later does she realize the impossible: It's not her husband at all, but a dead ringer for him named Simon. (And of course they look alike: Macfadyen plays both characters.)

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Children Of The Corn: Revelation Review

A little history on the Children of the Corn saga. When the original Children grossed $14.6 million on its $3 million budget back in 1984, the studio was probably pleased as punch, but no one expected the Stephen King-based flick (about Midwestern cult kids forced by a spirit to murder adults) to spawn a series. And in fact, it didn't. The Corn laid fallow until 1993, when a direct-to-video sequel (promising The Final Sacrifice) brought back those murderous kids.

Six films later, they're still at it, and they no longer bother to number the series (what with Children of the Corn 666 appearing two years ago, how do you follow that up?). This time out, poor Jamie (Claudette Mink) heads west in search of her missing grandma, only to discover the hotel she lived at is now overrun by children. You know... children of the corn. Powerful evil awakens -- in the form of corn -- Jamie fights it off.

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Blade: Trinity Review


A gratuitous wise-cracking sidekick and a tummy-baring, tight-top-wearing eye-candy vampire hunter have been added to the cast of the sequel "Blade: Trinity," but it's the gal (Jessica Biel) who gets most of the laughs, albeit unintentionally, with her lethargic, ludicrously inept kung-fu fighting.

Playing the hitherto unknown hottie daughter of Whistler (Kris Kristofferson) -- that crusty veteran of the underground vampire wars who is mentor to the titular half-vamp Wesley Snipes in all three "Blade" pictures -- Biel can't swing a convincing punch or kick to save her life.

But giving Biel a run for her money as the movie's most absurd character is ironic indie-flick darling Parker Posey, disastrously cast against type as the leader of yet another tiresome uber-Goth vampire faction that pouts around in skyscraper hideouts when they're not busy reviving their millennia-old master.

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Blade: Trinity Movie Review

Blade: Trinity Movie Review

A gratuitous wise-cracking sidekick and a tummy-baring, tight-top-wearing eye-candy vampire hunter have been added to...

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