Robert Simonds

Robert Simonds

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This Means War Review


Very Good
A lively pace and a nicely warped sense of humour help make this paper-thin action-comedy a mindlessly enjoyable romp. Sure, the central romantic triangle never really gels, but the bromance subplot is rather sweet.

Frank (Pine) and Tuck (Hardy) are best-pal CIA operatives who wouldn't know the word "subtle" if it clubbed them over the head. After a chaotic case in Hong Kong, they're grounded back home in L.A., and both decide to use the down time to find women. The problem is that they find the same woman, Lauren (Witherspoon), who struggles to decide which one is right for her. Certainly her married best pal Trish (Handler) is no help. The bigger problem is that Frank and Tuck use the agency's resources to sabotage each other.

Continue reading: This Means War Review

The Pink Panther 2 Review


Terrible
Back in the fun, free-basing '70s, Steve Martin was a stand-up comic god. Me Decade audiences lined up for hours to see this one-man Beatles of absurdist humor. They bought his albums, memorized his skits -- even stayed up late to see him swing with groovy foxes as part of a then-relevant Saturday Night Live. Fast forward 30 years, and the formerly wild and crazy guy has decided to follow fellow SNL alum Eddie Murphy into the fetid family film arena. With a couple of Cheaper by the Dozens under his belt, Martin is now mangling the legacy of one of film's greatest comedy franchises. No matter how hard he tries, however, he can't completely kill the legacy of the Pink Panther. This unnecessary sequel does come awfully close, though.

When four of the world's most valuable artifacts -- the Magna Carta, the Shroud of Turin, the Royal Emperor's Sword, and France's famous Pink Panther diamond -- are stolen by master thief The Tornado, a dream team of detectives is assembled. They include British sleuth Pepperidge (Alfred Molina), Italian officer Vincenzo (Andy Garcia), Japanese tech expert Kenji (Yuki Matsuzaki), and of course, inspector Jacques Clouseau (Martin). Helped by Sonia (Aishwarya Rai), a special agent from India, and the French home team including Chief Inspector Dreyfus (John Cleese), Poton (Jean Reno), and political correctness liaison Mrs. Berenger (Lily Tomlin), all paths appear to lead to exiled art dealer Avellaneda (Jeremy Irons). But even in light of all the obvious evidence, Clouseau thinks he knows the identity of the real culprit.

Continue reading: The Pink Panther 2 Review

See Spot Run Review


Weak
David Arquette gets to reinforce his status as the goofy doofus once again in this below-average family comedy about a boy, a dog, and a dumb, sloppy, immature mailman (that would be Arquette). Peering through this half-assed attempt at a funny movie, it's easy to see that the laughs are few and the comic action is a bore -- even the dog looks kind of fed up.

Arquette, however, through the muck of this movie, is actually good as the hapless idiot. Sure, he's played the part before, but in a film like this, Arquette gets to be genuinely likable, especially in the face of the W.C. Fields edict (never work with dogs or children). Maybe it's his childish demeanor or puppy dog face that makes him fit right in, but he's one of the only bright spots of this film.

Continue reading: See Spot Run Review

Joe Dirt Review


Bad
As scary as it sounds, I was actually looking forward to seeing the new David Spade comedy, Joe Dirt. My entire childhood and much of my adolescence was spent in such podunk California towns such as Exeter, Georgetown, Placerville, Bakersfield, Visalia, Fresno, Garden Valley, Kelsey, and Cool. Such places where ripped Dokken t-shirts were worn with pride, jeans were bathed in an acid wash, and hair cuts were sported by the mullet kings of Cali. I grew up in fear of Wrangler jeans, Bob Seger t-shirts, and Chevy Camaros.

Joe Dirt was meant to be redemption for my miserable years at the hands of these greasy, ignorant tormentors. But then 30 minutes went by and the movie took a sharp left into saps-ville, crashing and burning like a 74 'Cuda wrapped around an oak tree. Oh well.

Continue reading: Joe Dirt Review

Happy Gilmore Review


Good
Adam Sandler is Adam Sandler... er, "Happy Gilmore," as bad boy hockey player cum scratch golfer in yet another turn on the "goofy kid down the block" role he continues to popularize. The biggest surprise is that Happy Gilmore packs some genuine laughs. It's hardly highbrow -- hell, it's barely lowbrow -- but the Bob Barker/Happy Gilmore fistfight and Ben Stiller's uncredited cameo as an evil nursing home manager make this one worth a lazy Sunday rental.

Billy Madison Review


Weak
Yet another forgettable and asinine entry into the Adam Sandler oeuvre, Billy Madison is ridiculous and stupid yet, ashamedly, made me laugh from time to time. The story involves a lazy rich kid who decides to repeat grades 1-12 to prove himself as worthy of taking over a major hotel chain (yeah, that'll prove it!) from his father. The gags are straight out of Sandler's usual box of toys. He spends most of the film doing his faux-castrato whine. Even the lunch lady makes an appearance. That doesn't mean you should make one too, though.

See Spot Run Review


Weak
David Arquette gets to reinforce his status as the goofy doofus once again in this below-average family comedy about a boy, a dog, and a dumb, sloppy, immature mailman (that would be Arquette). Peering through this half-assed attempt at a funny movie, it's easy to see that the laughs are few and the comic action is a bore -- even the dog looks kind of fed up.

Arquette, however, through the muck of this movie, is actually good as the hapless idiot. Sure, he's played the part before, but in a film like this, Arquette gets to be genuinely likable, especially in the face of the W.C. Fields edict (never work with dogs or children). Maybe it's his childish demeanor or puppy dog face that makes him fit right in, but he's one of the only bright spots of this film.

Continue reading: See Spot Run Review

Half Baked Review


Very Good
Really, how can you hate a movie with a flying dog?

The answer you can't. You also can't hate a movie that's as funny and blissfully stupid as Half Baked, the 1998 pot comedy written by Dave Chappelle and Neal Brennan (the two guys behind Chappelle's Show) and directed by Tamra Davis.

Continue reading: Half Baked Review

Leave It To Beaver Review


Terrible
This. Is. Just. Bad.

It's not really appropriate for kids and adults will want to rip their ears off at the lame antics and pathetic excuse for a plot. The only thing worth noting here is the appearance of the original TV show's stars (who all, strangely, appear to have aged little in the intervening years), but that's hardly reason enough to suffer through this dog.

Little Nicky Review


Excellent
For better or for worse (mostly for the worse) Adam Sandler's back on the big screen. And it's pure, satanic family fun.

Little Nicky (Adam Sandler) is the devil's third---and least impressive---son. Bested in brains by his brother Adrian (Rhys Ifans) and in strength by his brother Cassius (Tiny Lester), Nicky finds little joy outside of hanging out in his hell-bound bedroom, banging his head to heavy metal favorites. That is, until his father's 10,000-year reign draws to a close and it's time to name the new ruler of Hades.

Continue reading: Little Nicky Review

Robert Simonds

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Robert Simonds Movies

This Means War Movie Review

This Means War Movie Review

A lively pace and a nicely warped sense of humour help make this paper-thin action-comedy...

The Pink Panther 2 Movie Review

The Pink Panther 2 Movie Review

Back in the fun, free-basing '70s, Steve Martin was a stand-up comic god. Me Decade...

See Spot Run Movie Review

See Spot Run Movie Review

David Arquette gets to reinforce his status as the goofy doofus once again in this...

Joe Dirt Movie Review

Joe Dirt Movie Review

As scary as it sounds, I was actually looking forward to seeing the new David...

See Spot Run Movie Review

See Spot Run Movie Review

David Arquette gets to reinforce his status as the goofy doofus once again in this...

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Half Baked Movie Review

Half Baked Movie Review

Really, how can you hate a movie with a flying dog?The answer you can't. You...

Rebound Movie Review

Rebound Movie Review

This summer will have no fewer than three movies featuring a band of misfit kids...

Herbie: Fully Loaded Movie Review

Herbie: Fully Loaded Movie Review

A car with a mind of its own meets a screenplay with no mind to...

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