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See Jane Date Review


Weak
Hey, it's a movie about a hot girl who can't meet the right guy! I've never heard of such an original premise before!

The improbably proportioned Charisma Carpenter takes the lead role in this by-the-numbers romantic comedy, which only plays lip service to the comedy part of the equation and nearly ignores the romance part completely. The bulk of the movie (made for TV and now arriving on DVD with no extras sans the removal of its commercials) actually involves Jane's career: She's an assistant editor tasked with editing the memoirs of a soap opera diva (Holly Marie Combs) who was her highschool rival. Turns out the diva's got money to burn but a wrecked personal life, including a dad that won't speak with her for reasons that are never made clear.

Continue reading: See Jane Date Review

Don't Look Down Review


Terrible
In this Wes Craven Presents production, there are no monsters, not demons, and no creatures from beyond the grave. Actually, there are a couple of presumed ghosts, but sadly, the characters in Don't Look Down are only afraid of... heights.

This is sad, sad "horror" at its inexplicable worst, an absolutely dreadful attempt at the type of thriller that never really shows the face of the bad guy. The idea is that when one girl's sister falls to her death, the survivor (Megan Ward) becomes afraid of heights and seeks help from an aggressive therapy group. But when the group's members start falling to their deaths (hmmmmmm...), she wonders, geez, do those ghosts of the dead I keep seeing have anything to do with it?

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Silent Predators Review


Terrible
Stop me if you've heard this one before: otherwise docile creature goes nuts and marauds its way across a small town. Local law enforcement figures out how to fight the beasts, successfully saving the townsfolk and falling in love along the way.

From sharks to ants to piranha, what animal hasn't been put on the "man-eater" list? In Silent Predators, it's the humble snake -- which you'll know right off because there's a big picture of a snake on the cover of the video! Yikes! As the box says, "The hunt is on. You're the prey." Probably won't get any sleep after this one!

Continue reading: Silent Predators Review

Fatal Error Review


Bad
Once again, a computer virus attacks humans in the inexplicable (and inexplicably bad) Fatal Error, based on the novel Reaper. My only consolation: Thank God there's no attempt at a love subplot between stars Antonio Sabato Jr. and Janine Turner (playing a disgraced doctor and an army intelligence agent(!) respectively).

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Robin Cook's Invasion Review


Terrible
Sadly, Robin Cook's Invasion is not about an invasion led by craptastic writer Robin Cook. (Or, as the opening credits state, Dr. Robin Cook.)

Would that it was -- it would have been a far better experience. Too bad then that this three-hour rehash of an endless series of movies like Invasion of the Body Snatchers and even video games like Parasite Eve is as hokey and derivative as they come. What makes this miniseries-cum-DVD wholly unpalatable is how poorly it is written, a feat matched only by the shallowness of its acting.

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God's Lonely Man Review


Good
I usually place no stock on Internet Movie Database user comments, but when I spied "worst movie ever" on God's Lonely Man listing, my eyebrow arched a bit.

A clear inspiration for 2000's States of Control, 1996's God's Lonely Man features a man (instead of States' woman) lost in life. He does all the drugs he can when he isn't working at an adult video store. When he gets fired, he goes mental, shoots his dealer, attempts suicide, and after failing cuts off his pinky! He then gets involved with a 15-year-old call girl before "rescuing" her from her sexually abusive stepdad and busting up a snuff film ring.

Continue reading: God's Lonely Man Review

Night Scream Review


Bad
The only screams likely to be incurred by this film are from an angry parent yelling at a kid to immediately put this video back on the shelf at the local Blockbuster. For anyone who dreams that the TV show Full House had never went off the air, this movie's for you, as show star Candace Cameron Bure (all growed up and married!) stars as a fat-faced girl caught up in a conspiracy/ghost story involving a dead daughter and small town politics. Extremely, horribly dull, and entertaining only for sheer camp value -- and hey, those fade-to-black sequences every 12 minutes (this was a Hallmark movie of the week back in 1997) make those bathroom breaks so much simpler.

Continue reading: Night Scream Review

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