I've seen a lot of bad movies in my short career as a movie critic, but the video-game-inspired House of the Dead poses a new challenge. I feel a typical review would do little or no good. You've seen the commercials with a bunch of young people firing endless rounds into zombies. Well, that's the movie, minus DMX's rapping. Sure, there are a couple of bare breasts here and there, but what you see in those 90-second spots is what's waiting for you at the multiplex.

There's nothing of substance to discuss. All I have is a lot of hatred welling inside of me. So, I figured a timeline would work, that way I can see what went wrong. I didn't have a watch on me at the screening, but I figured since time passed so slowly, my estimates are pretty accurate

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