“Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope.” It’s a shame for Ikbal Hare of Walsall that Obi-Wan wasn’t at Wolverhampton Crown Court when he was explaining why he ‘accidentally’ assaulted Darth Vader’s wife. Okay, so it wasn’t the real Darth Vader, but his neighbour, formerly known as Mark Nokes, who changed his name by deed poll to Darth Vader, for charity.

According to a report from Birmingham Mail, Ikbal Hare suspected Mr Vader of having a relationship with his girlfriend, Kerry Campbell. Hare threw a punch, intended to hit Darth Vader but presumably there was some kind of force field around him, because the punch did not meet its intended target, but hit Vader’s wife, instead. The force was clearly not with Mr Hare, who is said to have picked up a brick and “threw sand into the face of Darth Vader.” Vader’s wife was so worried about him getting hurt that she locked him in the house but he managed to escape – not by melting through the brickwork with a light sabre, but by climbing out of the window – when he heard that Mr Hare had armed himself with a knife.

Hare admitted assault, possessing a bladed article and disorderly behaviour. He was slapped with an 18 month community order, as well as an 18 month supervision order. The 35 year-old was also told to carry out 200 hours of unpaid work in the community by Judge Helen Hughes. Hopefully, he has also been provided with a Star Wars box set, so that he can learn that you really don’t want to mess with a man called Darth Vader.