Roseanne: 'The World Will End In July'
ROSEANNE BARR has announced that the world will end in July (06).
The comedienne claims that the date pinpointing the planet's demise is in the Bible - and she plans to survive the apocalypse by using her rotund frame to her advantage.
She says, "I'm scared to death. I think the world's gonna blow up in July of 2006, 'cause that's what the Bible says... 2006, the whole world is over, everybody is dead, everything blows up. We only have a mere eight months left.
"But I want people to look at the bright side, 'cause there (are) some good things about the world ending. For instance, all those skinny ladies that do yoga and exercise and have no body fat and stuff: when the food supply dwindles they'll be dead first within two weeks. Sweet!
"It will be all over and they'll fall over dead to the ground and I, because of my large body mass, will be stepping over their skeletal remains and the silicone t*t bags and the collagen lips and the pitiful little puddles of Botox as I make my way to Canada to find more food.
"There's three safe places: Canada, the spaceship with TOM CRUISE and Hershey, Pennsylvania. That's what the Bible says."