U.S. Seals 2 Movie Review

Good news for those of you who missed U.S. Seals 1, this is "The Ultimate Force," an "Explosive New Action/Amazing Martial Arts Sequel" with "Thrilling Martial Arts Combat Scenes Handled By Jackie Chan's Stuntman Team member."

And it's not all bad. Sure, the story is beyond ridiculous -- crazy ex-S.E.A.L. takes control of an abandoned island with two "stealth" nuclear missiles. And of course, the island is contaminated by methane, so you can't shoot any guns there (or, presumably, take a hot shower, cook food, or have any kind of lighting) lest the tiniest spark send the whole island up in flames. That's going to make things tough for the team sent in to rescue a captured nuclear physicist and save the world from those darn stealth nukes -- which, oddly enough, can be launched, despite the plume of fire shooting out the back.

Thankfully, the film is largely populated by tons of non-gun fighting, with fists and amazingly spark-resistant swords. Forget the dialogue, forget the story. Forget the fact that every time a character makes the slightest movement, the sound effects go "WHOOSH!" Forget all that stuff. That Jackie Chan's Stuntman Team member is actually pretty capable when it comes to choreographing fights. And if you've never seen a guy chopped in half -- from the crotch upward -- while just standing there, well, now's your chance. It doesn't come often.

Aka U.S. Seals II: The Ultimate Force.