Tarzan & Jane Movie Review

If you've seen Robert Smigel's "Bambi 2002" cartoon on Saturday Night Live, you pretty much know my feelings on direct-to-video Disney sequels. (The utterliy hilarious toon features a rapping Bambi, her injured-but-living mother, and a whole host of non-sequitur references to modern life.)

Tarzan & Jane isn't quite this commercially blatant, but there's not much to merit viewing this sequel to the popular Tarzan. The animation is rudimentary, the voices have all been replaced (the only notable one is Olivia d'Abo stepping in for Minnie Driver as Jane), and the soundtrack has returned to typical Disney orchestral music (though Phil Collins reprises a single song with Mandy Moore as accompaniment).

The story is... well, there isn't one. Just like in the equally appalling Cinderella II, the movie is a series of short vignettes, catching up with the Tarzans one year after Jane opted to remain in the jungle with her new beau. In one bit, Tarzan hunts for a diamond for his lady (alas, bad men spoil the day). In another, Jane wanders into the forest with some visiting lady-friends (alas, a panther spoils the day). And so on.

Seventy minutes later, you can pop out the DVD, forget everything you saw, and melt it in the fireplace. Kids ought to really enjoy that.