Something To Talk About Movie Review

This is one of those reviews that's going to garner plenty of nasty mail from disgruntled readers, but I feel it's my obligation to let you know exactly what you're getting into with Something to Talk About.

If you are a female, preferably married, preferably Southern, preferably jilted by your husband, and preferably interested in horses, you'll love this film. If not, you're screwed. Something to Talk About is the story of a married, Southern, jilted female, Grace (Julia Roberts), who works for her father (Robert Duvall) at his horse-breeding ranch. When she finds husband Eddie (Dennis Quaid) with another woman, she dumps him like week-old halibut and heads off into the land of reckless self-indulgence, revenge, and wacky hijinks with her dysfunctional family.

Well, it ain't quite that simple. I was expecting a romantic comedy, judging from the marketing campaign. Unfortunately, this is not a humor-filled film. It's a drama with some funny bits tacked on. Although Kyra Sedgwick (as Grace's sister Emma Rae) is the only comic relief and a God-sent saving grace to the picture, Something to Talk About does exactly what its title says: talk...at length...for what feels like hours...mainly about what scum the men in the female characters' lives are.

Something to Talk About soon becomes the movie that will not die, which I started praying for after the first half hour. Absolutely nothing interesting happens to these characters. They are almost universally unlikable and underdeveloped--which is difficult to pull off, considering the sheer mass of personal interactions in the picture. Everyone just moans a lot along the lines of "Whatever happened to what we used to have?" and "How could you do this to me?" The whole film comes off as a sad experiment in marketing--to see how many women the movie could pack in the theater. Sadly, it's a lot. Let me tell you: a knee to the crotch goes a long way for this crowd.

And when it's finally over...just when you think they aren't going to slap on a Hollywood Ending and make a nice statement...wrong! Something to Talk About sells out like tickets to a Streisand concert. I left the theater depressed.

Something to Talk About is an especially painful letdown, considering its cast and creators. Director Lasse Hallstrom (My Life As a Dog, What's Eating Gilbert Grape) and screenwriter Callie Khouri (Thelma and Louise) have really taken a wrong turn here. It looks like everyone had the best of intentions, but the results were less than stellar.

Gentlemen reading these words, just remember to say this to your girlfriend or wife after she drags you to the film: "I thought it was good!" It'll be a lot less painful that way. I promise.