Silent Predators Movie Review

Stop me if you've heard this one before: otherwise docile creature goes nuts and marauds its way across a small town. Local law enforcement figures out how to fight the beasts, successfully saving the townsfolk and falling in love along the way.

From sharks to ants to piranha, what animal hasn't been put on the "man-eater" list? In Silent Predators, it's the humble snake -- which you'll know right off because there's a big picture of a snake on the cover of the video! Yikes! As the box says, "The hunt is on. You're the prey." Probably won't get any sleep after this one!

Well... that's because you'll be laughing too hard. Harry Hamlin, currently scraping bottom after his L.A. Law heyday, fights off the snakes (genetic cross-breeds, natch) with shovel and boot, whether they come at him in what looks like old Animal Planet stock footage or via "snake vision," wherein we know the snakes are bad because everything they see is tinted red. From the clueless mayor to the body count of co-eds and children, Silent Predators parrots Jaws to a T, only it sucks hard in the process.

I'd try deconstructing the idiocy of this low-budget trash, but I'd be wasting your time and mine. Instead, I'll leave you with the most compelling piece of this film to think about: Is a seven-foot rattlesnake something you'd call Silent? Discuss amongst yourselves.