'R Xmas Movie Review

I presume the inscrutible title is meant to be read as "Our Christmas," but don't expect any Home for the Holidays-style amusement in this abysmally pathetic drug drama from long-since-out-of-it director Abel Ferrara.

Though it's a wisp of a movie at 83 minutes, Ferrara manages to bore us to tears with the film's dippy story of drug deals gone wrong. The spare dialogue is a place to start: What little the film has is drowned out by annoying music and the rest consists mainly of unbroken strings of swear words, sometimes in English.

Between Drea de Matteo and Lillo Brancato (as a wife-husband drug dealing team), I'm ready to recommend the permanent suspension of both of their SAG cards. But Ferrara and screenwriter pal Scott Pardo earn even more of the blame: This story (crooked cop (Ice-T) kidnaps husband to extort drug money out of the family) is both simplistic and overdone. It also comes across as if written by a moron. Ice-T's ransom demand is simply for "a lot of money." When de Matteo's princess brings him $15,000, he simply demands more. "I know there's a lotta money!!!" She brings more. "I can't believe you didn't bring more than this!" Improvised on the spot? Sure seems like it. And here's another filmmaking tip: Believe it or not, you don't have to transition every cut with a fade.

Somehow Ferrara got this film into a few festivals and somehow he got a few critics to praise it... but alas, the movie has been unceremoniously dumped to DVD without a major theatrical release. Abel, I guess we'll see you again next year with whatever dreck you manage to sell to Cinemax. (And with your "To be cont." ending, I guess it'll be 'R Xmas 2.)