Nobody's Baby Movie Review

"When two escaped cons find an orphaned baby, their lives go from the state pen to the playpen...."

Whoa whoa whoa, hold it right there. How does Gary Oldman get involved with a con+baby movie!? I guess if you promise to get the film into Sundance (where it was originally exhibited), anything goes these days.

For a con+baby movie, Nobody's Baby is awfully complicated. After escaping custody, Billy (Skeet Ulrich) rescues a baby from a car wreck, hooks up with his old pal Buford (Oldman), then reluctantly agrees to a ransom plan for the kid. Unfortunately, the adoptive father (including Ed O'Neill) doesn't even want the kid, and soon he's negotiating for the return of his cash. Meanwhile Billy has become enchanted with fatherhood and wants the baby so bad he decides to put together yet another scheme to, in effect, buy the baby for himself.

If it sounds stupid, that's because it is. This goes on and on for nearly two hours, chock full of enough wild tangents and subplots to keep you totally baffled as to where the plot might end up. What sounds like a sweet chick flick about love for a child actually contains enough murders, robberies, and other nefarious goings-on to make Pulp Fiction look tame in comparison.

I'm sure this material will resonate with someone, but not too many of us. And whatever you do, don't rent it expecting another Look Who's Talking.