Judge Dredd Movie Review

You know from the first second what you're getting into with this movie. The opening to Judge Dredd, Sylvester Stallone's new sci-fi action vehicle, is not a smash-bang action sequence, but rather a montage of comic book covers from old the Judge Dredd series. This comic book movie intro is getting popular (the third time I've seen something like it this year), and it's getting really, really old.

After the comics are laid out, we have a screenfull of text, explaining the mind-numbingly unoriginal premise of Judge Dredd, which is this: in the future, the world sucks. At first I didn't know why there was a voice-over attached to this text, but then I realized that most of the audience of the film probably couldn't read.

In this happy land, Sly is a genetically-enhanced "Judge," a super-cop who dispenses judgments to criminals on the spot of their crimes. When his psychotic, also-enhanced brother (Rico, played by Armand Assante) returns from prison to get his revenge on Dredd by framing him, Sly finds himself on the run in an attempt to save himself and the world from Rico.

Yawn. Full of crappy digital effects, Judge Dredd looks like a bad B-movie from Roger Corman. Armand Assante is pathetic as the giggling villain who is supposed to be Sly's brother--I mean, Armand Assante, the guy who danced in red heels in Fatal Instinct? Yeah, right. Basically, Assante grimaces his way through 91 long minutes of this schlock so we can get to the inevitable showdown.

Judge Dredd does clear up one minor mystery for me. It answers the riddle, "How many times can one film use the plot device, 'Someone sneaks up behind someone else.'" The answer: about 20.

Everything about the movie is just ridiculous. The ultra-high tech cops don't seem to notice Rico and his 8-foot tall robot traipsing around the city. And of course, the only way to fix a flying motorcycle is to beat it with one's fist.

Dialogue saves Dredd from one-star hell. Sly's got a few good one-liners, and Rob Schneider is often funny as the comic relief sidekick. Fellow Judge Diane Lane also seems to be able to act. But that's about it.

If you want to read a comic book, save the price of the movie ticket and buy a real one.