Jane White Is Sick & Twisted Movie Review

Wil Wheaton, you've been a busy man! First there was that exhaustive work you did in Star Trek: Nemesis, now you've got an even bigger part in Jane White Is Sick & Twisted.

No, it's not quite a Universal Pictures Memorial Day blockbuster, but this movie's got some of the biggest stars in existence. At least they used to be: with a cast that includes Dustin Diamond ("Screech" to you and me), Chris Hardwick (remember Singled Out?), Maureen McCormick (the original Marcia Brady), and Danica McKellar (aka "Winnie" from The Wonder Years), the Gods of TV Yesteryear are all in attendence.

The story is straight out of David Michael Latt's clearly peyote-infused brain, about young Jane (Kim Little), whose neurosies have led her to believe that former-mayor-turned-trash-TV-host "Gerry" (David Lander, aka "Squiggy") is her father. She then sets out to turn herself into the kind of freak who can earn a spot on his show (i.e. trannie, hooker, what-have-you) in order to meet him. Boyfriend Dick (Wheaton) is sort of along for the ride, also reinventing himself as a freak in order to please his gal.

Well, who wouldn't.

Jane White goes from strange (musical "theme song" opening introduces the players and the entire plot setup) to completely bizarre (Dick dresses up like a serial killer to earn Jane's true love). Jane's stint as a transsexual hooker (including a tryst with Whose Line Is It Anyway?'s Colin Mochrie) is about as unhinged as it gets.

Wheaton actually steals the show from the random Little, who appears drunk for much of the movie, probably as she was directed to do. Her attempt to act seems to have been subjugated to her kooky hairdo (random pigtails). We care less about her plight than we do about what barely-recalled celeb will appear next.

I'm not sure this is a film for all tastes -- I'm not sure it's a film for any tastes that don't include substantial heroin abuse -- but I am equally sure it will find a rabid audience somewhere out there on home video. They may be way out there, but I still say they're out there... somewhere.

No more hairspray for me, thanks.