Down and Out with The Dolls Movie Review

I love chick rock, but there's nothing worse than a girl band that can't play their instruments. Or sing.

This low-budget video production chronicles "the rise and fall" of fictitious Portland band The Paper Dolls, who rise all the way up to getting a $7,500 three-year recording contract from an indie label and fall all the way back to nothing when the band implodes. Wow, what a wild ride!

The film, written and directed by Kurt Voss (Poison Ivy: The New Seduction -- yeah, baby!) primarily focuses on the internal squabblings of the band. Sexual politics (boy-girl and girl-girl) abound, and the chicks fight over that amazing windfall, too. The girls even occasionally get around to playing some music -- and honestly it sounds so bad you'll want to plug your ears during each number.

Voss does get some brave -- even passable -- performances from a few of his starlets (not to mention a number of cameos from rock stars of yore like Motorhead's Lemmy), but his lead singer Zoë Poledouris sinks like a rock. Her attempt to channel Courtney Love is as fake as her two-tone hairdo. Like Courtney, she's a shrieking banshee that you hate from the start, but you know with Courtney it isn't an act -- she really is that crazy.

The film ends on a bizarre note: a multi-day party in "The Dollhouse," complete with a body count. I'd hate to spoil who gets the axe, but it matters little. Believe me, with The Paper Dolls' music no longer being played, we're all much better off.

Down and out of tune.