1st August 2012

Bashing The British We started this week's news round-up somewhat affronted at the news that veteran fashion designer Karl Lagerfield has once again been criticising one of our girls. Earlier this year, the German caused offence by calling singer Adele "too fat". Now it's the turn of Pippa Middleton, sister of Kate, to face his wrath; "I don't like the sister's face" he said. "She should only show her back." We'd quite like to see the back of him.

Knights Of Sigh-donia Muse have been getting a bit of grief from a grumbling British public about their song written for the Olympics, 'Survival'. And how have the Teignmouth trio reacted? They're "cool" with it, apparently, and, typically of the band, you can't deny that they've once again managed to create something provocative as opposed to a bland backdrop for the Games - and who'd want that?

Muse live

The Dogg Days Are Over Sending Snoop Dogg, a man who we know enjoys the odd spliff, to Jamaica is perhaps akin to sending a drunk to be night watchmen of a brewery. We're not saying that mary jane is behind his decision to change his name to Snoop Lion, but we're struggling to think of any other plausible reasons.

Twilight Darkening It's been impossible to ignore the fall-out from Kristen Stewart's affair with director Rupert Sanders. Ultimately it looks like Robert Pattinson's ditched the 22 year-old; something we suggest is bad news for the forthcoming and final 'Twilight' film, whilst poor R-Patz isn't yet up to facing the press.

Anarchy In Russia When three-piece punk group Pussy Riot opted to perform a "punk prayer" in their native Moscow's Christ The Saviour cathedral back in March, they incurred the wrath of the Russian Orthodox church and president Vladimir Putin himself. We feel that the case looks set to bring to worldwide attention the extent at which both parties have acted to quell public dissidence in their country.

In The Doghouse It's been a protracted struggle but, finally, all the stars of ABC's 'Modern Family' have finally re-negotiated new contracts so that the fourth season's shooting can finally begin. Wait, did we say all? Whilst all cast members on two legs have been retained, one four-legged actor won't be joining them.

In the dog house

Grey's Anatomies! '50 Shades Of Grey' has been leaving females all of a fluster thanks to the erotic novel's racy content and saucy main character Christian Grey. Now there are claims that the book is acting as something of an aphrodisiac! Could Christian really be the catalyst for 2012's summer of love?

Video Of The Week All eyes were on Alec Baldwin's alleged stalker Genevieve Sabourin as she arrived for the first day of the court hearing in Manhatten, and she was more than happy to pose for photos as she passed the eyes of the media, and - at odds with what she's being accused - seemed all smiles. In the hottest court case of the week, there was no way this couldn't be video of the week.