You Don't Mess with the Zohan Movie Review

Adam Sandler's latest lewd creation is Israel's top trained assassin who dreams of escaping his nation's ever-present conflict with the Palestinians. For the Zohan, killing comes as easy as breathing. During a deadly battle with his arch-nemesis the Phantom (John Turturro), though, the Zohan fakes his own death so he can safely flee to New York City and pursue his aspiration of becoming a hair stylist.

Things that amused most of us in elementary school continue to entertain the 41-year-old Sandler today. These include, but are in no way limited to:

> His butt -- He shows it constantly, smacks it repeatedly, and even uses it to catch objects like a Hacky Sack and a fish. The ass fetish must be contagious. At one point, 68-year-old Golden Globe nominee Lainie Kazan flashes her derriere at the camera. A little of this cheeky humor goes a long way.

> His crotch -- Sandler gyrates his package endlessly, uses it to scratch a record while deejaying at a club, discusses its dimensions, makes others look at it, rests it on people's shoulders, and even taps it twice as a sign of respect.

> His friends -- Rob Schneider, Kevin Nealon, Chris Rock, John McEnroe, Kevin James, Henry Winkler, rocker Dave Matthews, and others stop by for requisite cameos. Soak in their appearances. You won't see them on screen again until Sandler's next film.

Speaking of, I tried ranking Zohan along the sliding quality scale of Sandler's films following my screening. Without question, it belongs near the bottom of the barrel. Emmanuelle Chiriqui is a bland love interest. The sex gags go too far -- poor Charlotte Rae of The Facts of Life fame stoops for a classless erectile dysfunction joke -- and the exaggerated physical comedy doesn't go far enough.

But is Zohan more degrading than The Longest Yard, Mr. Deeds, Spanglish, or last summer's vile, homophobic I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry, also helmed by Zohan director Dennis Dugan? Not quite.

In fact, Sandler takes a lot of heat for Little Nicky, and he should. It reaches unseen levels of stupidity. In hindsight, though, the comedian really needs to embrace Nicky as part of his crass cannon. So long as it exists, there's no way he can deliver much worse.

Better with yogurt.