The Hot Chick Movie Review

I often question the intelligence of production teams behind movies like The Hot Chick. Do well-rounded, educated artists really set out to create such appalling, frail productions? Apparently so, because Tom Brady, the film's director and co-writer, graduated from Harvard University. That's right, the creator of The Hot Chick, one of the most mindless, incompetent films of the year, went to Harvard, one of the most prestigious colleges in America.

Given Mr. Brady's vast achievements of shame, I can't imagine he's listed high in Harvard's list of successful alumni. After all, his artistic mishaps don't end with The Hot Chick; he also inspired a pathetic flop called The Animal that proved just how stupid American filmmakers perceive their audiences. Brady also assumes partial responsibility for the failed television comedy Men Behaving Badly. From a guy who attended Harvard, I expect Emmys and Oscars, not cancellations and Rob Schneider!

Nevertheless, thanks to Happy Madison Productions, The Hot Chick somehow found its way to theaters. Although it isn't the worst film by Happy Madison (Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo earns that prize), The Hot Chick isn't far behind; it's an atrocious mess of half-conceived notions and flimsy ideas, all escalated by the trifling Rob Schneider. As I watched the film with glazed, mournful eyes, I could feel my life slipping away. Deep down, I realized the harsh reality of my situation: I would leave the theater with a lower I.Q. than when I had entered.

Rob Schneider stars as Jessica Spencer, captain of the cheerleading squad and girlfriend of a dreamy quarterback; in short, she's the hottest, most popular girl in high school. No, nobody spiked the holiday punch with vodka; sadly, you are reading this synopsis correctly. Because of magical jewelry (don't ask), Schneider finds himself inside the body of the young, supple, virginal Jessica (Rachel McAdams), who also finds herself in the body of a rangy, 30-year-old thief (Schneider).

The story does very little with the thief woman; instead, the film looks at the story of Jessica (the man) as she deciphers the very perplexing situation in which she finds herself. Until she can change herself back, Jessica must figure out how to take the prize at an upcoming cheer competition, go to the prom, and win back her boyfriend (Matthew Lawrence), all while her best friend (Anna Faris) begins to fall in love with the man she has become.

From a distance--a very far, remote distance--the notion of a high school girl trapped inside the body of a 30-year-old man carries some potential. The situation could erupt into a number of hilarious situations, but The Hot Chick successfully utilizes only a few, such as when Jessica tries to urinate into a trough but encounters difficulties with her new "equipment." Also, during a friendly pillow fight, Jessica's friends forget her new manly strength (as if Rob Schneider was buff) and pay dearly for their mistake.

The rest of the movie, however, merely consists of cheap, failed attempts at sight gags and contrived one-liners. It's a shame since it's not without good talent; co-stars Anna Faris, Matthew Lawrence, and Rachel McAdams provide the movie with a perfect blend of both charm and dimwittedness. Unfortunately, Schneider takes center stage in nearly every scene, and he doesn't have half the performance ability of his costars. He couldn't act his way out of a paper bag.

I had to contain myself when I learned that Schneider recently entered into a two-year, first-look production deal Disney, and the first project up is Deuce Bigalow II, with Tom Brady set to write and direct. Even scarier, when I recently asked Schneider if he had ever considered doing anything but comedy, he smiled and replied, "When you're really good at something... people don't ask Andre Agassi, since you're really good at this tennis thing, have you ever thought about bowling?" Something to ponder there.

If you want to see just how much of this movie was left on the cutting room floor, look no further than the DVD, which includes what feels like an hour of extra material that got the axe, including an alternate ending (and yes, you'll find the "You can do it!"). Tom Brady's commentary track, well, I don't know how I've lived my life without hearing it. Or not.

The one in the middle is indeed the hottest.