The Brothers Grimm Movie Review

If you stop to think about it, weren't the Brothers Grimm stories demented enough that they really didn't need to be made into a horror movie? Not that it's stopped several other people from touching the subject matter before, but no one has quite given the Grimm fairy tales the molestation that they get in the latest rendition of this story.

In the latest Grimm, the brother-tellers are snakeskin oil salesmen, with younger brother Jacob always focused on the fairy tale world. When a string of abductions, (including Red Riding Hood and Gretel) in the village of Marbaden catch the attention of a French General (Jonathan Pryce, playing Ian Holm's Napoleon from Time Bandits) who only seems interested in a good meal, he sends Italian torturer Cavaldi (Peter Stormare) to grab the German con men out of bed to send them to investigate the problem.

I'm not sure if fairy tales have ever been penned and helmed by such creatively demented minds. Director Terry Gilliam is a byword in surreal cinema, having 12 Monkeys, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Brazil, and all of the messed up cartoons from Monty Python under his belt. Ehren Kruger wrote The Ring movies, Arlington Road, and Impostor. Armed with a mostly first-rate cast (Matt Damon and Heath Ledger as the brothers) and with a solid technical master and a good writer, The Brothers Grimm has all the makings of a good movie.

If only it didn't suck.

The Brothers Grimm moves at the pace of a retard solving a Rubik's cube. The love interest (Lena Headey) doesn't ever click (and she tries to click with both fellows). The scares are so few that the six-year-old behind me told his parents that the movie wasn't very scary as soon as the lights came up.

It's not funny. Brothers Grimm scrapes the bottom of the barrel for laughs so hard its fingers bleed. Here are some of the highlights: toupee gags and watching the gingerbread man taunt his pursuers.

It's just not scary. Gilliam uses such tried and true techniques as making crows fly across the screen to freak people out. He tries to grab us with weird camera angles and high pitched scores and scares in the distance. For all of the creativity he has shown in the past, there isn't really one memorable piece of horrific imagery here, not one time where it doesn't seem like Gilliam is making horror movies with paint by numbers.

It's not cinematic, either. Brothers Grimm plays the small village darkness like a Sleepy Hollow-lite. The enchanted forest looks like it was stuck together on three sets with cardboard. The village is gray and dark, but done so cheaply that it ends up all looking like the front of a UPS shirt instead.

The only redeeming value in The Brothers Grimm is that it manages to be just fun enough to make you not lose your mind. As it is, it's an hour and a half of my life that I didn't really enjoy, can't have back, yet I don't have any particular distaste for it. It's just cheap and ineffective, slightly entertaining but not nearly enough to be worth the time.

What do you mean you're out of butter topping!?


Comments

The Brothers Grimm Rating

" Terrible "

Rating: PG-13, 2005

Editors Recommendations

Jodie Foster Is Now A Married Woman! Wait, When Did That Happen?

Congratulations to Jodie Foster and Alexandra Hedison, who just tied the knot this week!...

Jodie Foster Is Now A Married Woman! Wait, When Did That Happen?

Olivia Wilde And Jason Sudeikis Welcome Baby Otis Into The World

Babies, babies everywhere! The latest addition to the Hollywood brood is little Otis...

Olivia Wilde And Jason Sudeikis Welcome Baby Otis Into The World

Adventurer And "Bachelorette" Contestant Dies After Paragliding Incident

Eric Hill, a Bachelorette contestant, who was severely injured in a paragliding accident...

Adventurer And

Richard Gere's New Lady Love, Who Is Padma Lakshmi?

Actor Richard Gere and cookbook author Padma Lakshmi are allegedly an item...

Richard Gere's New Lady Love, Who Is Padma Lakshmi?

Tom Hardy secretly weds?

The 'Locke' actor has praised long-term partner Charlotte Riley - who he started dating in 2009...

Tom Hardy - Tom Hardy secretly weds?

Laura Prepon Squashes Speculation Claiming She Is Dating Tom Cruise

Laura Prepon and Tom Cruise and not dating, despite numerous rumors that suggest they are...

Laura Prepon Squashes Speculation Claiming She Is Dating Tom Cruise

Joan Rivers Said What? Comedienne's Latest Scandal Gets Ariel Castro Kidnapping Victims Involved

People are once again outraged at something Joan Rivers said – what else is new? The 80-year-old...

Joan Rivers Said What? Comedienne's Latest Scandal Gets Ariel Castro Kidnapping Victims Involved

Lupita Nyong'o Is Crowned People Magazine's Most Beautiful Women

The 31 year-old actress, who was virtually unknown when cast in Steve McQueen's '12 Years A Slave'...

 Lupita Nyong'o Is Crowned People Magazine's Most Beautiful Women

Wow, Mean Girls Could Have Been A Very Different Movie. Casting Changes and Alternate Endings

Amazingly, it's been a decade since the release of Mean Girls, the movie that has become...

Wow, Mean Girls Could Have Been A Very Different Movie. Casting Changes and Alternate Endings


More recommendations