Scary Tales Movie Review

Pity poor Dennis Frye. He's a slob -- out of work and wholly unmotivated to find it. But when a myserious couple places a "looking for work?" sign in his local convenience store, Frye (Bill Cassinelli) is piqued.

Soon enough, he finds himself in a job placement office, where he is presented with a handful of job opportunities by the creepy Mr. Longfellow (Joel D. Wynkoop), each of which turns out to be worse than the last (though all culminate with poor Dennis's early demise). Longfellow leads him into the "what may come" future of employment, Creepshow-style, and it ain't pretty. His job as a catering cook is marred by the hit and run murder of a little girl -- followed by his stalking by a group of dolls. His work in a bookstore teaches him about Astral travel, and he soon finds himself trapped in Limbo forever. A final job is as a screenwriter (from a job placement agency, huh?) sends him on interview after interview, where he finds nothing but rejection -- until a reincarnated Edgar Allen Poe appears, whom Frye kills and buries in a shallow grave. Or was that someone else he killed in his drunken stupor?

Funny? Sometimes it is. But Scary? Well, not exactly -- those dolls don't even move, and there's nothing quite like a Cabbage Patch Kid to make you not be afraid. The stories are slow and not really horror-ish at all -- unless dolls, clocks, and large-breasted women make you fear for your life. The camerawork (shot on digital video) is actually not bad, using split screen, fast-motion, and other nifty effects, but the bad acting and spare script don't help to redeem the film. Cassinelli is a curiosity -- an obvious horror fan who would probably do better on the stand-up circuit than as a lead actor in a film. And especially not a horror film -- the few splatter effects are effective, but with a mere two or three in the entire 76-minute film, well, that's hardly what I call horror.

I took the video home for the holidays, and I'll sum it up with what my mother said when she watched a few minutes of the film: "If that guy was Brad Pitt, this wouldn't be half bad!"

Indeed.

Cast & Crew

Director : Michael Hoffman Jr.

Producer : , Michael Hoffman Jr.


Comments

Scary Tales Rating

" Grim "

Rating: NR, 2001

Editors Recommendations

Can 'Game of Thrones' Get Any Bigger? Alex Graves Says it Already Has

‘Game of Thrones’ is a cultural phenomenon, whatever you think of the qualities it does...

Can 'Game of Thrones' Get Any Bigger? Alex Graves Says it Already Has

Jay-Z and Beyonce Plot Joint Stadium Tour for Summer 2014

Jay-Z and Beyonce, on the same bill? Yep, it looks as though the world's richest and most...

Jay-Z and Beyonce Plot Joint Stadium Tour for Summer 2014

Is 'The Revenant' Leonardo DiCaprio's Oscar Winning Movie?

Leonardo DiCaprio will continue his hunt for a best actor Oscar with Gonzalez Inarritu's...

Is 'The Revenant' Leonardo DiCaprio's Oscar Winning Movie?

Ben Affleck Is Creepy And Questionable In First Trailer For David Fincher's "Gone Girl"

The first trailer for David Fincher’s Gone Girl is out. The last bit of news about the Gillian Flynn...

Ben Affleck Is Creepy And Questionable In First Trailer For David Fincher's

Lindsay Lohan's Show Slammed By Rosie O'Donnell - Is She Right?

Lindsay Lohan has been hit with the shame and bad publicity of a fellow entertainer...

Lindsay Lohan's Show Slammed By Rosie O'Donnell - Is She Right?

The Next 'Breaking Bad'? 'Fargo' Ep. 1 Is A Must-See [Video]

New television series Fargo premiered last night on FX, giving American audiences...

The Next 'Breaking Bad'? 'Fargo' Ep. 1 Is A Must-See [Video]

Woah, Check Out This Wacky Dude: Aaron Taylor-Johnson on His Past Life

Aaron Taylor-Johnson might seem pretty subdued for a 23-year-old Hollywood actor...

Woah, Check Out This Wacky Dude: Aaron Taylor-Johnson on His Past Life

How The Oculus Rift Virtual Reality Headset Will Change Life As We Know It

Facebook have been splashing out a lot of money lately! Although, we have to say...

How The Oculus Rift Virtual Reality Headset Will Change Life As We Know It

No, AC/DC Are Not Splitting Up After All. Probably.

It looks like AC/DC fans can breathe a sigh of relief, because rumors of the band’s...

No, AC/DC Are Not Splitting Up After All. Probably.


More recommendations