On The Line Movie Review

There's almost no point in reviewing a movie like "On the Line" because its target audience -- N'Sync fans dizzy to see oh-so-dreamy Lance Bass play a lovelorn shy guy -- isn't likely to care how clumsy, lifeless and cliché-driven it is. They're probably not interested in Lance's acting ability, and they certainly don't care what somebody who isn't a 14-year-old girl has to say about said acting ability.

Apparently, director Eric Bross didn't care about lifelessness, clichés or Bass's Hallmark card-thin talents either, because this movie is on autopilot. An uninspired, lowest common denominator romance about a sheepish ad agency grunt (Bass) searching Chicago for a beautiful girl he clicked with during a commute on the El train, the film is one long "missed connections" personal ad come to life.

Bass plasters the city with flyers reading "Are you her?" and fields so many phone calls from lonely women that his posse of pals from central casting (the slob, the snob and the pervert) start scamming the rejects for dates. Implausibly, a newspaper runs a series of stories about this quest, which is more pathetic than it is romantic. Inexplicably, the female population of the windy city becomes enamoured with Bass through this story, and the girls in his office all start cooing at him when he walks in every morning. (All except that one tough-as-nails career gal who steals his idea for a Reebok campaign in a story-padding subplot.)

Meanwhile the girl from the train (Emmanuelle Chriqui, "Snow Day") is too busy learning she's with Mr. Wrong (conceited yuppie scum, answers his cell phone on dates) to take notice of this romantic phenomenon that has gripped the city.

It's a pity Chriqui is regulated to such an negligible role because she has talent and a charismatically cute allure that outshine the mannequin-like Bass whenever she is on screen. She makes an effort to create a real character out of this generic object-of-desire role.

When Chriqui does finally catch on, sitcom misunderstandings keep the couple apart until Bass takes out billboard ads all over the city (how can he afford this?) asking that she meet him at a particular time on a particular train platform for a swoony finale, broadcast live on TV all around Chicago so Bass's newspaper following can cheer "awwww!"

(Yes, I'm giving away the very premeditated ending. Nobody who wants to see this picture will have read this far anyway.)

Minimal effort was put into "On the Line," and it shows in the weed-whacker editing that cuts off any chance for character development, in the thin facade of personality traits (Chriqui is an archeology post-grad, but only so her beau can appear dismissive by calling this her "fossil hobby"), and in the cartoonish supporting roles played with transparent embarrassment by the likes of Dave Foley ("Newsradio") and Jerry Stiller. (A lip-syncing cameo by Al Green is downright humiliating.)

If it's will-they-find-each-other romantic comedy you're interested in -- and not mooning over moon-faced falsetto boy band crooners -- you're a thousand times better off with "Serendipity," which is almost certain to be playing at the same multiplexes during what will surely be this movie's very short run.

Cast & Crew

Director :

Starring : , , , Gregory Qaiyum, , , , cameo by Al Green


Comments

On The Line Rating

" Terrible "

Rating: PG, Opened: Friday, October 26, 2001

Advertisement

Editors Recommendations

The Fifty Shades of Grey Movie Trailer Is Here: Was It Worth The Wait?

The moment Fifty Shades of Grey fans have been waiting for is finally...

The Fifty Shades of Grey Movie Trailer Is Here: Was It Worth The Wait?

Alec Baldwin (Mostly) Off The Hook On Disorderly Conduct Charges

Alec Baldwin was in court on Tuesday, facing charges of disorderly...

Alec Baldwin (Mostly) Off The Hook On Disorderly Conduct Charges

Pitbull feat. John Ryan - Fireball

Pitbull drops his eighth studio album 'Globalization' later this year and...

Pitbull - Fireball Video

The British Film Institute: 'There Are Too Many Films'

The BFI have condemned the amount of films released in British cinemas...

The British Film Institute: 'There Are Too Many Films'

What The Critics Are Saying About Scarlett Johansson's 'Lucy'

Early reviews of Scarlett Johansson’s new movie Lucy are piling up...

What The Critics Are Saying About Scarlett Johansson's 'Lucy'

Dwayne Johnson Battles His Way Through Non-Stop Absurdity In "Hercules"

It’s Hercules time! So we know that Dwayne Johnson made a lot...

Dwayne Johnson Battles His Way Through Non-Stop Absurdity In
Advertisement

Arty Ft. Angel Taylor - Up All Night [Lyric] Video

Russian musician Arty has collaborated with Angel Taylor on his latest single 'Up All Night', released on...

Arty - Up All Night (Lyric Video) Video

Those Colin Farrell for 'Iron Man 4' Rumors Refuse To Die

Rumors are abound that seminal Iron Man actor, Robert Downey Jr, will not be...

Those Colin Farrell for 'Iron Man 4' Rumors Refuse To Die

Marvel Announces Release Date for Unknown Movie - What Could It Be?

Last week Marvel studios took the unusual step of announcing five upcoming...

Marvel Announces Release Date for Unknown Movie - What Could It Be?


More recommendations

Advertisement