Not even Charles Grodin, in his campiest, hammiest role of all time -- if not the campiest, hammiest role of all time -- can salvage this remake of the 1933 classic beyond one-starsville. This is frankly one of the worst films ever made, a useless and unwanted recreation of the past. Kong is actually a man in a monkey suit, smashing up miniature sets. Jeff Bridges' beard reminds you of a Brillo pad. Jessica Lange's outfits remind you of a hooker's (and of course, she falls in love with the magilla). It's over two hours long and when it isn't wholly laughable, it's utterly boring. And who, when on the run from a giant ape marauding New York City, drops into a bar for a drink?