Into the Blue 2: The Reef Movie Review

Into the Blue 2: The Reef sounds like soft-core porn, is made on the level of soft-core porn, and might have been more entertaining had it gone full tilt into soft-core porn territory. Not that it doesn't try -- there are more than enough pointless, random, gratuitous shots of topless beach babes to turn on any pimply-faced geek in search of female flesh and to give the movie reason to tout its salacious "Uncut, Unrated" label. Perhaps that is the point of the movie, and perhaps the distributors will make a few bucks off of that cheap ploy. More power to them, because any self-respecting individual who walks into a video store, looks at this title, and decides to rent it deserves to lose their four bucks.

Obviously, this is a sequel to the 2005 Paul Walker-Jessica Alba beach-bums-become-heroes movie. That film was one of the dumbest movies ever made, but it was released theatrically and featured actors of at least mediocre ability. Into the Blue 2 is a direct-to-DVD attempt to cash in on what the studio must think of as the "high-caliber Into the Blue brand," even though the original grossed a sparkling $18 million. This one stars Park Avenue mannequins who pose their way through a non-existent terrorist plot involving a nuclear warhead(!) and buried treasure.

The movie opens with a hard-boiled crime "setup" in which some stock mafioso caps a Latin surfer dude after talking vaguely about a cryptic "deal." It then cuts immediately to an endless montage of chiseled guys and barely-clothed bikini babes. And then, well... that basically describes the entire movie. Hot, scantily-clad young people party on the beach and occasionally engage in brute heroism involving crime lords and international intrigue. Can you feel the pain?

Several extended sequences of deep-sea diving help extend the film's barely 90-minute running time -- they go on forever despite the fact that every hidden chest is neatly placed in plain sight (which makes sense, since the set dresser placed it there two minutes before the director called "action"). There's lots more filler, too, in the form of volleyball scenes, dancing sequences, and jet ski races, all edited like third-rate music videos, which might collectively take up more running time than the actual plot.

The male lead is played by a Casper Van Dien lookalike, which was a silly decision on behalf of the casting director, since Van Dien himself was surely available to fill this role. His female partner is played by a woman so leaden it seems even she is bored with the movie she's in. The rest of the cast is filled out with a combination of stock 90210 rejects and a few legitimate actors whose careers have no doubt taken drastic turns for the worse. Fans of reality TV will note the strategic inclusion of The Hills mega-ditz Audrina Patridge and Survivor alumni Parvati Shallow and Amanda Kimmel. You know your movie's level of celebrity cameos is depressingly low when the celebrities in question don't play themselves, but do play characters with their same names.

Into the Blue 2 was directed by Stephen Herek, who up until recently was actually making movies released theatrically. He directed Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, for crying out loud! Herek's resume is marked with high-profile projects with stars like Eddie Murphy, Mark Wahlberg, Glenn Close, and Angelina Jolie. Few of them were all that good, but come on, even Life or Something Like It was better than this softest of soft-core extravaganzas. I feel bad for Herek, and feel a sort of kinship with him. The poor guy clearly doesn't want to be making movies like this, yet he has to. Similarly, I'd like to be reviewing Adventureland, yet here I sit, finishing a review of Into the Silicone.

Why don't you make a movie? It'll last longer.