House of 1000 Corpses Movie Review

Maybe I'm just a little wimp who can't stand bad movies... but shouldn't I get hazard pay for seeing a movie this bad? [No. -Ed.] I'm symptomatic. This movie should come with a warning - this movie will cause nausea, boredom, the general feeling of constipation and a headache by banging your head against the seat in front of you about 1000 times.

The auteur debut of gothic icon Rob Zombie (think Puff Daddy in metal and with talent), I wasn't really hoping for much with House of 1000 Corpses -- schlock horror was anticipated and would have even been enjoyed -- but this is just ridiculous. House of 1000 Corpses is perhaps the most un-scary "scary movie" I've ever seen. It's not funny. It's not even really that interesting to look at.

As if plot were important in these movies anyways, this one's pretty generic. A group of four youngsters heading home for the holidays (Halloween!?) stop at a cheap haunted house run by the cast of a strange cross between Deliverance and a David Lynch movie, hear about a local horror legend cleverly named Dr. Satan, and decide to check out the tree from whence he hung himself. The bad news: They pick up a hitchhiker in a rainstorm and get brought to a house that was born when the set from Deliverance slept with the set of Lost Highway.

From there on in, it's pretty much hick after hick, cheap scary image after cheap scary image, lots of southern accents and psychotic murders.

It's not that I've got a beef with horror movies, but House of 1000 Corpses is a waste of time on all levels. Foremost, horror movies are supposed to be scary, and while House of 1000 Corpses might scare some 13-year-old who snuck in to cop a feel on little Suzy, it's only because it's the first R-rated movie he's ever seen. On other levels horror movies are supposed to be funny, and the jokes in House of 1000 Corpses are drier than anything to come out of Napa Valley in the last half century. And with a title like House of 1000 Corpses, your movie is supposed to be especially bloody. Someone get me a damn clicker because I counted about ten dead, tops.

In the end the only reasons to see House of 1000 Corpses are its exquisite lighting and set design (normally the high point of anything Rob Zombie does is cool editing tricks and camera angles, but here they just seemed ill-placed without the throbbing of "Dragula" in the background). Even its ill-placed hick-humor doesn't really work (for really funny hick humor check out what is obviously the inspiration for the movie, The Residents' video game Bad Day on the Midway). The bottom line is that House of 1000 Corpses just doesn't work. It's too highbrow to be a good cheap horror movie, it's too lowbrow to be satire, and it's too boring to bear the value of the ticket.

Two of the thousand.

Cast & Crew

Director :

Producer :


Comments

House of 1000 Corpses Rating

" Terrible "

Rating: PG-13, 2003

Advertisement

Editors Recommendations

Beyonce and ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Tease Us With Tantalising 15 Second Teaser Clip [Video]

Beyonce teased us all over the weekend, when she shared a 15 second...

Beyonce and ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Tease Us With Tantalising 15 Second Teaser Clip [Video]

Robert Downey Jr Crowned King of the Box Office

With an estimated income of $75 million between June 2013 and June 2014, Downey Jr...

Robert Downey Jr Crowned King of the Box Office

George Clooney On Getting That Tabloid Apology And Why He Had To

Ahead of his wedding to Amal Alamuddin, George Clooney has...

George Clooney On Getting That Tabloid Apology And Why He Had To

A Short History of Forgotten Destiny’s Child Member Farrah Franklin

Farrah Franklin, the forgotten fourth member of Destiny’s Child, found herself...

A Short History of Forgotten Destiny’s Child Member Farrah Franklin

Sons of Anarchy Final Season: Charlie Hunnam Spills Details

Speaking at the Television Critics Association preview night on Monday, lead actor...

Sons of Anarchy Final Season: Charlie Hunnam Spills Details

Vin Diesel Talks This Summer's Weirdest Bromance

Yet in conversation with Access Hollywood, Diesel summed up the relationship between...

Vin Diesel Talks This Summer's Weirdest Bromance
Advertisement

Rixton - Me and My Broken Heart Single Review

There's a new boyband on the UK pop scene who have somehow managed to storm single charts...

Rixton - Me and My Broken Heart Single Review

RIP Krusty the Clown? His 10 Best Moments

Krusty the Clown may have chucked his last chuckle and played his last Itchy and Scratchy...

RIP Krusty the Clown? His 10 Best Moments

Bachelorette No Longer: Ashley And JP Rosenbaum Find Out Sex Of Baby On Live TV

After being on The Bachelor or The Bachelorette, some people like to retire...

Bachelorette No Longer: Ashley And JP Rosenbaum Find Out Sex Of Baby On Live TV


More recommendations

Advertisement