Dog Soldiers Movie Review

It's a little bit Predator. It's a little bit American Werewolf in London. It says so right there on the DVD case. Too bad it's nowhere close to as much fun as either of its inspirations.

I'm guessing the "dog soldiers" in question are the bipedal werewolf creatures who attack our would-be heroes, a group of military soldiers on an exercise in the Scottish highlands. (Then again, for all I know, they're meant to be the dog soldiers.) When the soldiers come across another squad -- their torn-up remains, anyway -- they realize their little wargame has become a fight for survival against the werewolves on the loose.

If you can call them werewolves, that is. These dog-men look like normal people in tights with dog-head masks and long-clawed gloves. More laughable than scary, the movie degenerates into garden-variety horror as the soldiers hole up in local shack and fend off the creatures. Whether beating them back out of windows with pots and pans or recreating the obligitory arm-caught-in-the-slamming-door scene, the body count rises regardless, thanks to the inability of the soldiers to sit still until morning (when the full moon's effect will be gone and the creatures will turn back into people).

Much of Dog Soldiers consists of the characters just sitting around, with the soldiers jabberring in soldier-speak. The first half hour is dreadfully slow as nothing at all happens. Once they're in the house, the slowness continues, as idiotic plan after idiotic plan ends up failing. I've got no military training, but I'm convinced I could keep a family of five blind, crippled, Amish people alive in this situation better than these British soldiers do at keeping themselves kicking.