Austin Powers In Goldmember Movie Review

Goldmember finds Mike Myers returning to his most successful franchise, but desperately running out of steam and resorting to yet another stab at jokes that hit-and-missed the first two times around.

And guess what: They haven't improved with age.

Goldmember is probably the worst in the Austin Powers series (though I really enjoyed the second one I didn't think the original was all that funny either -- I consider #3 about on par with #1). But that's probably good news for the talk-back-to-the-screen crowd (conveniently sitting right behind me at my screening), giving plenty of no he diiiiint! opportunities when Myers, oh, makes a sexual innuendo or, Beyoncé Knowles, um, makes a sexual innuendo, or, well, you get the idea.

Director Jay Roach and Myers know what worked with the teen crowd before, so they're at it again. From the de rigueur musical numbers to the shadow play gags to Fat Bastard rubbing his nipples to copious amounts of horn-dog humor, Goldmember plays out as an extended case of déjà vu. We've heard the "I'm dead sexy" line. We've used "Zippit!" to death. We've watched Mini-Me fight Austin. And we've seen the "it looks just like a giant... Johnson!" gag before. Three times at least, by my count. Now make it four.

While it's repetitive and has long stretches with no laughs at all, Goldmember fortunately isn't a complete rehash of its predecessors. Unfortunately its new elements are barely memorable. Myers's new titular villain Goldmember (the fourth role a visibly weary Myers plays in the film) is about as lame as they come; he is the butt of jokes because he eats his own peeling skin and he's Dutch. Are we making fun of people from Holland now? I didn't know that was supposed to be funny. The z-instead-of-th accent... is that really humorous? Maybe in Canada.

When the jokes don't totally miss they go on far too long: A bit about Fat Bastard critiquing the aroma of his own fart is questionable to start with, but stretching into the second minute the bit begins to beg for mercy. Michael Caine is largely wasted as Austin's father. Fred Savage is inexplicable as a mole with a giant, well, mole. There's no plot to speak of -- another "ransom the world" story that makes absolutely no sense. Low points of the picture resort to spoofing The Silence of the Lambs and various rap videos. The whole movie comes off as lazy and tired.

Knowles, in her screen debut, is actually far better than I'd expected, and she manages to liven up the proceedings considerably (often because she's the only other one in a scene with Myers playing so many of the other characters). That said, it's a little weird for a girl born in 1981 to be spoofing blaxploitation pictures -- in this case, directly aping Foxy Brown from her hairstyle to her figures of speech.

The one shining moment that almost makes Goldmember worth seeing is its star-studded cameo opening, which features a certain Oscar-winning director and some of Hollywood's biggest stars in their own Austin Powers movie-within-a-movie. I won't spoil it because that would really reduce the movie to irrelevance, but it's funny enough that when the movie reprises the bit to end the picture, you can almost forgive (and forget) all the crap that you suffered through in between.

Cheese and ham.


Austin Powers In Goldmember Rating

" Weak "

Rating: PG-13, 2002


More Mike Myers

SuperMensch: The Legend of Shep Gordon Movie Review

For his lively film directing debut, Mike Myers (aka Austin Powers) traces the remarkable life of his friend, the almost too-likeable music manager Shep Gordon....

Supermensch: The Legend Of Shep Gordon Trailer

Shep Gordon may not be as famous as some of the biggest celebrities in the world, but you can bet they count him among their...

Mike Myers And Wife, Kelly, Welcome Baby Daughter

Yeh Baby!Mike Myers and his wife, Kelly, welcomed their second child into the world on Friday (April 11th).They are now parents to a healthy baby...

'Shrek' Theme Park Planned For London, As Fifth Film Is Rumored

London is to have a brand new attraction based on Dreamworks' Shrek animated movies in collaboration with the company behind the famous London Eye, according...


Meryl Streep And Leonardo DiCaprio Among 2014 National Board Of Review Awards Gala Arrivals - Part 2

The 2014 National Board Of Review Awards Gala in New York was chock-full of Hollywood's biggest stars of the moment including 'The Wolf Of Wall...

Mike Myers Is Expecting Second Baby With Wife Kelly Tisdale

Canadian actor, Mike Myers and his wife, Kelly Tisdale are expecting baby No.2.The couple's rep confirmed the news and they told People, "We are thrilled."Myers,...

Shrek Forever After Trailer

Watch the trailer for Shrek Forever AfterOnce again we return to the land of Far Far Away to visit Shrek and his friends. Since Shrek...

Inglourious Basterds Trailer

Watch the trailer for Inglourious Basterds.Quentin Tarantino takes on what could be his biggest cinematic challenge to date, 'Inglourious Basterds' is the title of his...