Ed Burns is Irish. Hope that's clear. Irish people, in the world of Burns, anyway, are devout Catholics, hang out in bars constantly, and tend to become embroiled in scenarios with gangsters that end up with various members of the community shot dead. Burns' ponderation on all of this never really merited a theatrical release, and suffering through its slow silliness makes it immediately apparent why. Never mind that Elijah Wood and Rosario Dawson are the least likely couple in history, the entire plot is so absurd it borders on asinine. Turns out the "assassinated" Wood isn't really dead. He's been hiding in Ed's apartment for three years. One night he sneaks out, gets spotted, and the mafia's back on his trail. Ed's solution is to get Wood and his wife (who doesn't even know he's alive) out of town. But they don't just hop in the car. They go to endless lengths to talk about it, including dropping into a bar or two to mull over this great plan over a beer. Now that's good thinking, Ed! In the end, they all pretty much get what they deserve.