Miguel Tejada-flores

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Decoys: The Second Seduction Review


Terrible
And here I had know idea there was a Decoys to make a sequel of. Looking it up online, it appears to have exactly the same plotline as Decoys: The Second Seduction: A bunch of hot girls prowl around a college campus, turning into aliens to suck the life out of hapless guys looking for easy fun. Eventually the guys figure out the otherworldly beauties are too good to be true, so they go on a killing spree: The alien babes are very vulnerable to heat and fire. End of movie.

Vapid and dumb, I've seen worse films but not by much. Basically, this is a ripoff of Species, which I thought did a plenty good job of ripping itself off with two sequels of increasingly bad quality. There's no reason for anyone to see Decoys 2... it isn't amusing, thrilling, or titillating in the slightest.

Continue reading: Decoys: The Second Seduction Review

Revenge of the Nerds Review


OK
History has been good to Revenge of the Nerds. Uncommonly good, really. Impossibly good.

In many ways, it's hard to figure out exactly why. It's not, on the surface, particularly well made. It doesn't feature an exceptional amount of skin. Nor is it even really all that funny. It even has Ted McGinley in it. But it's about nerds, and for better or worse, that's a subculture that doesn't easily let go of its icons. Especially pioneering ones, like this film.

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Darkness Review


Terrible
I love road trips. Not because I'm especially fond of sitting in my car for days at a time, but because with each passing mile a promise is fulfilled. Every hour behind the wheel draws you nearer to your destination, and along the way you can sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. But, though paperback self-help writers may tell you otherwise, the journey itself is not enough. You have to actually get somewhere to make the whole trip worthwhile. And if, at the end of a day's travel, you haven't gone anywhere at all, you've wasted all your time and a whole lot of gas.

Like a long road trip to nowhere, Spanish director Jaume Balagueró's Darkness is miserable, frustrating, and hard on the buttocks. Though the film's run time is a mere 102 minutes, the psychological impact of wasting precious money and energy staring at the screen and waiting for something -- anything -- to happen could take years off your life.

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Sex and Bullets Review


Weak
Not horrible -- though this Judd Nelson crime comedy doesn't have a whole lot going for it, namely its hampering by a rather obvious script. Nelson and the always-fun Seymour Cassel play hit men who have just killed the son of the local mob boss (permanent gangster character actor Joe Viterelli). Apparently oblivious to their imminent predicament, Nelson decides to look for some booty at the local convenience store and Cassel, who has recently outed himself, heads to the local bar for a strawberry daiquiri. Naturally, Viterelli will encounter our hapless thugs -- but not before they have crossed paths with two local waitresses and a pair of goofball slacker types. All of this comes together in, you guessed it, a heap of sex and bullets.

The film is helped admirably by the two slutty waitresses -- admirably played by Marisa Ryan and Amy Hathaway -- two girls who clearly hate each other only slightly less than they hate their own lives. The rest of the film is a bit forgettable -- a bunch of tired jokes about condoms and froufrou drinks, but at least it's not a total loss. Here's to hoping Ryan and Hathaway move on to brighter things!

Continue reading: Sex and Bullets Review

Fright Night Part II Review


Weak
The original Fright Night is a mini classic of gore and gags -- so why wouldn't you follow it up with a sequel?

Fright Night Part II picks up three years later, after Charley (William Ragsdale) has been therapized into believing that vampires don't exist, which does him little good when the sister (Julie Carmen) of Chris Sarandon's vampire from Fright I, comes after him for vengeance. Soon enough Charley's turning vamp himself... so it's Roddy McDowall's vampire hunter to the rescue once again.

Continue reading: Fright Night Part II Review

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