Michael Vartan

Michael Vartan

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2014 NHL Awards

Michael Vartan - 2014 NHL Awards at Wynn Las Vegas - Las Vegas, Nevada, United States - Tuesday 24th June 2014

Jane Fonda AFI Awards

Michael Vartan - Jane Fonda honered with American Film Institute Life Acheivement Award at gala tribute - Los Angeles, California, United States - Thursday 5th June 2014

2014 NHL Awards Red Carpet

Michael Vartan - 2014 NHL Awards held at the Wynn Showroom inside Wynn Las Vegas - Red Carpet Arrivals - Las Vegas, Nevada, United States - Tuesday 24th June 2014

Michael Vartan
Michael Vartan

MAXIM Hot 100 Celebration Event

Michael Vartan - MAXIM Hot 100 Celebration Event - West Hollywood, California, United States - Tuesday 10th June 2014

Michael Vartan
Michael Vartan
Michael Vartan
Michael Vartan

TCRF inaugural Cancer Free Generation Poker Tournament and Casino Night

Michael Vartan - Tower Cancer Research Foundation's (TCRF) inaugural Cancer Free Generation Poker Tournament and Casino Night held at at the Sofitel Hotel - Los Angeles, California, United States - Saturday 7th June 2014

Colombiana Review


Weak
This preposterously overwrought revenge thriller is entertaining simply because it so rarely pauses for breath. It makes virtually no sense if you think about it, and the writing and direction are mostly incoherent. But it's also guilty good fun.

In Colombia, feisty 9-year-old Cataleya (Stenberg) witnesses her parents' massacre of by Marco (Molla), henchman the drug kingpin Luis (Benites). Years layer (now Saldana) she's in Chicago, where she's been raised by her uncle (Curtis) to be a stealthy assassin. Now she's trying to draw Marco and Luis out of protective CIA custody by leaving clues at each murder scene. And it seems to be working. With an FBI agent (James) on her trail and a boyfriend (Vartan) who knows nothing, she's playing a dangerous game.

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Monster-in-Law Review


OK
Somebody help me - I'm turning into Roger Ebert. The household film critic for the Chicago Sun-Times typically grades on a curve when it comes to Jennifer Lopez and her on-screen endeavors, bestowing favorable grades on films that colleagues (and crowds) have panned. Granted, every critic is entitled to their opinion, but Ebert's grades for Jersey Girl (three stars), The Cell (a perfect four stars) and Anaconda (three-and-a-half stars) seem generous to a fault.

I'm nowhere near ready to join Mr. Ebert on the J-Lo bandwagon (with her entourage, there might not be room), but I will defend the starlet's turn in Monster-In-Law. The film embraces the traditional romantic comedy formula Lopez routinely gravitates toward, but it's skillfully guided to a predetermined finish by director Robert Luketic (Legally Blonde), who kneads the doughy concoction like a prize-winning baker preparing a four-layer cake.

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The Next Best Thing Review


Grim
Can it really have been two long years since The Object of My Affection made us laugh and cry with its tale of two best friends (an unlucky in love gal and her gay male roommate) and how they decide to have a baby together? Er... so we didn't laugh. And we didn't cry. And The Next Best Thing takes us there once again, with an even lamer attempt at making "The Oddest Couple Has a Baby."

Fortunately, The Next Best Thing covers very different ground than Affection. Unfortunately, that ground turns out to be providing a platform for Madonna to sing, to show off her yoga skills, and To Show You How Much She Can E-Mote During Her Di-A-Logue, all while affecting a slight (yet very pretentious) British accent. Get outta the way, people, Madonna's gonna act!!! And it isn't going to be pretty. (See also: Evita.)

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The Curve Review


Grim
Inanely stupid college-kids thriller, aka Dead Man's Curve, about two nut jobs who decide to kill their third roommate in order to get a 4.0 for the semester. Really, really dumb.

One Hour Photo Review


Grim
Trust nobody, even those who provide such simple services as developing that roll of film from your beloved child's birthday party. You never fully know the lives of those who provide the basic needs of life, and what you overlook could be highly dangerous. The supposed innocuousness of those only tangentially connected to you in daily activities is an interesting premise to start with, but One Hour Photo falls short of revealing anything intriguing about human nature. After a fascinating starting point, it follows the straight and narrow of easily recognizable human flaws, practically boring itself in the process with one punctuated brooding scene after another.

See, Sy (Robin Williams) is the friendly neighborhood photo developer. He leads a lonely life, but finds solace in the happy portraits he's produced for his customers over the past 11 years. Becoming specifically attached to the Yorkins (Connie Nielsen and Michael Vartan) because Nina has actually smiled and yapped with him, his obsessive tendencies are pushed into high gear when he finds their home isn't as picture perfect as it seems.

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It Had to Be You Review


OK
Sweet and inoffensive, It Had to Be You probably didn't deserve to be unceremoniously dumped on the direct-to-DVD market, but here it is.

The cute tale is reminiscent of Sleepless in Seattle and Serendipity, with a star-crossed couple (Natasha Henstridge and Michael Vartan) meeting unfortuitously on the eve of their respective weddings to other people. Well, the eve before that, anyway -- they happen to be registering for gifts at the same time. While everyone around them tries to convince the two that their respective betrotheds are total idiots, they maintain their faithfulness, despite a near-miss-kiss in Central Park.

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Never Been Kissed Review


Good
Wow. It's only April, and I've already been to three proms this year.

They are: She's All That, 10 Things I Hate About You, and now, Never Been Kissed. All treading some familiar ground: high school sucks.

Continue reading: Never Been Kissed Review

Monster-In-Law Review


Grim
Since it's propped up by most of the same jokes and plotdevices as any other comedy about obnoxious in-laws ("Meetthe Parents," "TheIn-Laws," "MickeyBlue Eyes"), there's really only one questionto answer about "Monster-in-Law": Is it worth 10 bucks to watchJennifer Lopez and Jane Fonda retread the same sitcom territory recentlytrampled twice by Ben Stiller and Robert De Niro?

The short answer is "No."

But while hardly original and certainly predictable, "Monster-in-Law"does have some good chuckles -- although few of them come from Lopez, whogives a shrug-worthy performance as an off-the-shelf romantic-comedy heroine,tailored with all the sweetly quirky foibles that Hollywood thinks willmake gorgeous actresses seem like everyday gals who can't find a man.

In this case Lopez plays a struggling artist and officetemp with a dozen part-time jobs (dog walker, receptionist, caterer), whononetheless has her own roomy, sunny, well-decorated beachfront apartmentin Venice, California.

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Never Been Kissed Review


Unbearable

If I see one more high school movie that uses a Literature class Shakespearelesson as a metaphor for raging hormones and whatever else the screenwriteris trying to put across, I swear I'm going to throttle someone.

But such ridiculously hackneyed plot devices are the leastof the problem with "Never Been Kissed," the most agonizing flickever made by Drew Barrymore, an endearing actress with regrettably badtaste in scripts.

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One Hour Photo Review


OK

In the flash-forward opening scene of "One Hour Photo," detectives come into an interrogation room and confront subtly unsettling Sy Parrish (Robin Williams) -- an obsessive mega-mart photo lab employee who gradually came to stalk a customer's family. They have questions about what he had against the family's father and a package of snapshots Sy took just before his arrest for crimes as yet unnamed. But he has only one thing to say about the pictures: "Do you guys have your own lab, or do you have to send it out?"

Following "Death to Smoochy" and "Insomnia," Williams puts the cherry on top of an image-tampering trifecta of psychotic antagonist roles with this unrecognizable performance. Balding and blonde, sporting Sans-a-Belt slacks, Velcro-fastened shoes, a blue smock and a freshly-straightened name tag, Sy blends into the perfectly ordered shelves of his bland, cavernous super-store. He seems harmless enough -- like a desperately lonely 45-year-old who has been socially inept and apprehensive his whole life -- until you see his apartment where he's literally lined the walls with hundreds of prints he's copied over several years from the photos of a pretty customer's seemingly ideal family. Then he seems as quietly menacing as Norman Bates.

In his imagination (some of which comes to life in a uncanny cut-and-paste sequence as the camera pushes in through the glossy finish of Sy's 4x6 prints), the photo clerk sees himself as "Uncle Sy" to this family that barely knows his name. In the course of the film, Sy's obsession, which begins with just making sure their pictures come out perfect, grows into something dangerous.

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Michael Vartan

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