Lori Heuring

Lori Heuring

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Cross Trailer


The Cross is an ancient Celtic artefact - passed down the generations and it brings its owner 'unstoppable power'. It's time for good-guy Callan (a.k.a. Cross) to take out the trash.

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False Prophets Review


Bad
Yikes, this is bad. I didn't think it would be possible to make a movie that would offend both the religious right and the pro-choice crowd, but False Prophets manages to do so. In the film, a woman (Lori Heuring) believes she is carrying a virgin birth (never mind the fact that she has a boyfriend), and opts to have it aborted. But somehow a fundie Christian group finds out about this and intervenes in an attempt to get her to have the baby and give it to them for adoption. Poor Lori is torn every which way until she ends up having the baby in a field, thanks to a helpful gas station attendent/prophet.

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The In Crowd Review


Bad
Cruel Intentions gets its first serious imitator in this tale of youth, insanity, betrayal, and hot chicks (with nary a brassiere among them!) in an ultra-exclusive resort in a Hamptons-like locale.

The story is sad and pathetic, unbelievable for more than a second to anyone with less than 45% alcohol in his or her blood stream. Lori Heuring "stars" as a mental hospital patient who, on the recommendation of her doctor, is released so she can work at the aforementioned resort for the summer -- in order to see how far she's coming along with her adjustment back into the world. Here she encounters all manner of nut-job rich kids, provoking the question of who's more insane, her or the people she is serving as a cabana girl?

Continue reading: The In Crowd Review

Pretty When You Cry Review


Bad
Whoa, is that Jamie Kennedy playing a "businessman"? Yes it is, and Sam Elliott wants to know why his wannabe girlfriend's husband is dead! Carlton Elizabeth (known as Carlton Lynx when she was doing softcore porn) steals the show as said girlfriend (she's been being abused, natch) with her trashy good looks and willingness to throw her body into the role, literally, but on the whole this is one hell of an awful movie.

Continue reading: Pretty When You Cry Review

Restaurant Review


Very Good
They might as well have called this movie J. T. McClure's, which is the name of the "restaurant" where all the film's characters work. That would have at least helped to add a little mystery and some flare to such a pitiable title. Thankfully, the film itself is a whole lot better than the name might indicate. Restaurant, directed by Eric Bross, spins the story of a group of young twenty-somethings struggling to reach their dreams of fame, while working at an upscale bar and grill in Hoboken, New Jersey. It's got that sort of Swingers humor and mentality, mixed with a diverse cast and much more serious themes.

Our protagonist is the restaurant's bartender, Chris Calloway (Adrien Brody - Summer of Sam, Six Ways to Sunday), a struggling playwright weaving his real life problems into his first play -- a work in progress that he can't seem to finish. When he meets the newest waitress Jeanine (Elise Neal - Mission to Mars) and they hit it off, he's faced with his second interracial relationship (the first being Lauryn Hill, who we see mostly as a picture on the refrigerator). Chris can't figure out why he likes black women so much, especially after his Italian father raised him to be a bigot. This dilemma is portrayed in his unfinished play, which is the story of a white man that can't deal with the external pressures of having a black girlfriend, even though he's madly in love. As he tries to make sense of his feelings, he gets caught up in the past when his ex (Hill) shows up at a friend's wedding. Because his relationship with her ended on such a bizarre note, he can't put it behind him, which prevents him from devoting his heart to Jeanine, and finally, thwarts him from finishing the play. Whew!

Continue reading: Restaurant Review

The In Crowd Review


Unbearable

Designed for maximum sexploitation while still coming in under the PG-13 mark, "The In Crowd" is a movie about back-stabbing, barely legal country club hotties with WonderBra wardrobes and soap opera lives.

It has membrane-thin plot about a sultry teenage psych ward out-patient (Lori Heuring) who gets a job at a Hamptons resort and falls in with the manipulative queen bee of the trust fund pack. It stars an assemblage interchangeable daytime drama cast-offs who meow their way through one-dimensional roles that don't require talent so much as shampoo commercial hair and firm, round breasts.

The primary mission of this vaguely deliberate festival of fresh-faced actress indignity seems to be crowbarring into the narrative as many cheap peeks at naked boobs as possible. See-through bras and wet white shirts are abundant. On a couple occasions, the movie grinds to a halt for a quick glimpse of bare nipple. And just for good measure, there's a little girl-girl action thrown in.

Continue reading: The In Crowd Review

Anger Management Review


Unbearable

Writer David Dorfman, director Peter Segal and star Adam Sandler missed a golden opportunity in "Anger Management," a comedy bereft of laughs about a milquetoast office drone and designer of fat feline fashions (?) who is sentenced to rage therapy after an incident on an airline.

The incident: His repeated polite requests for a headset to watch the in-flight movie are absurdly mistaken for aggression by a flight crew with post-9/11 jitters. The missed opportunity: The concept's punchline should have been that he really is a rage-a-holic and the calm version of events we see is his skewed perspective of normalcy.

Instead, the picture sticks with the notions that typically dim-bulb Sandler (insert empty-eyed double-take head-cocks here) really is a misunderstood nice guy, and the actor fails to find a single genuine laugh in the story's goofball gimmick -- which is that his nutzo court-appointed therapist (Jack Nicholson, volume turned up to 11) moves in with him and makes his life a living hell.

Continue reading: Anger Management Review

Runaway Jury Review


OK

There are enough holes in the legal minutia of "Runaway Jury" to keep anyone with a law degree laughing from beginning to end. But for the rest of us, this fast-paced thriller's twist-crescendo-ing plot and sharp performances should at least delay the feeling of being duped until after the credits roll.

Another popcorny courtroom concoction from a John Grisham novel, the movie is a sensationalized peek into jury tampering during a big-money wrongful-death suit filed against an assault-weapon manufacturer after a workplace shooting.

The film wears its politics on its sleeve: the rich, cigar-smoking, unrepentant gun industry honchos have hired an unscrupulous jury consultant (deliciously iniquitous Gene Hackman) with the high-tech means to dig up dirt and create graphic-intensive computer-screen portfolios on everybody who received a jury summons for the case.

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Lori Heuring

Lori Heuring Quick Links

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Lori Heuring Movies

Cross Trailer

Cross Trailer

The Cross is an ancient Celtic artefact - passed down the generations and it brings...

Advertisement
Restaurant Movie Review

Restaurant Movie Review

They might as well have called this movie J. T. McClure's, which is the name...

The In Crowd Movie Review

The In Crowd Movie Review

Designed for maximum sexploitation while still coming in under the PG-13 mark, "The In Crowd"...

Anger Management Movie Review

Anger Management Movie Review

Writer David Dorfman, director Peter Segal and star Adam Sandler missed a golden opportunity in...

Runaway Jury Movie Review

Runaway Jury Movie Review

There are enough holes in the legal minutia of "Runaway Jury" to keep anyone with...

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