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Safe Haven Review


Weak

Nicholas Sparks strikes again with yet another film based on a misty-eyed novel about tormented seaside romance in the romanticised American South. It's so trapped in Sparks' cliche-ridden universe that we know the entire plot right from the start, including expectations of a maudlin, possibly supernatural twist along the way and an over-sentimental climax. Fans of this sort of thing will love it, but everyone else will struggle to see it as anything more than simplistic rubbish.

The woman in peril this time is Katie (Hough), who is introduced while on the run, dying her hair blonde and jumping on a midnight bus out of Boston. When she arrives in a picture-postcard North Carolina fishing town, she takes one look at hunky shopkeeper Alex (Duhamel) and decides to stay. Not only is he handy with home repairs, but he has two smart, observant young children (Kirkland and Lomax) he's raising on his own. Even Katie's new neighbour (Smulders) thinks she should grab him while he's single. But she is of course running from something, and a tenacious cop Kevin (Lyons) on her trail.

In every movie based on a Sparks novel, we know exactly who is good and evil from the start. Sure enough, Kevin is clearly bad because he drinks vodka and is accompanied by menacing music every time we seen him. We also know there will be a surprise along the way, something that stretches the already fragile story logic beyond the breaking point. And in this film, it's also something cunningly designed to wrench tears from sensitive audience members. But everyone else in the audience will laugh at how inane it all is, bravely resisting the manipulative storytelling all the way to the happiest possible ending.

Continue reading: Safe Haven Review

A Nightmare On Elm Street 5: The Dream Child Review


Bad
Alice (Lisa Wilcox) survived Nightmare 4, only to find herself knocked up by Freddy in installment #5 -- as he tries to become born for real into the world. Huh? It doesn't make a lick of sense, and gets all the worse when Freddy's mother appears to put a stop to his shenanigans. That said, there's a force-feeding fatality that is so absurd it's worth a peek. Probably the worst of the Nightmare on Elm Street flicks.

A Nightmare On Elm Street 5: The Dream Child Review


Bad
Alice (Lisa Wilcox) survived Nightmare 4, only to find herself knocked up by Freddy in installment #5 -- as he tries to become born for real into the world. Huh? It doesn't make a lick of sense, and gets all the worse when Freddy's mother appears to put a stop to his shenanigans. That said, there's a force-feeding fatality that is so absurd it's worth a peek. Probably the worst of the Nightmare on Elm Street flicks.

Dante's Peak Review


Bad
For those keeping score, here's the new Hollywood movie formula: Twister - tornado + other disaster = $$$!

$$$ may be right, but [][][][][] is definitely not forthcoming, at least not in the case of Dante's Peak, a shameless and blatant rip-off of the mildly entertaining aforementioned film that is largely responsible for the return to prominence of the disaster movie. This time around, it's a volcano that threatens the peace of little Dante's Peak, and it's Pierce Brosnan who comes to the rescue.

Continue reading: Dante's Peak Review

The Alamo (2004) Review


Terrible
A soldier's life has been famously characterized by hours of boredom punctuated by moments of stark terror. Well, The Alamo manages to capture half that story.

The Alamo isn't a patriotic, heart-swelling epic. It's a dull, rotten, dreary, excruciatingly-long miniseries which sadly reduces men of historical significance to dirtbags fighting over dirt. Yawn. Ugh. Another $100 million that could have saved the Texas school system.

Continue reading: The Alamo (2004) Review

Twenty Bucks Review


Very Good
Check to the right... and that's only part of the cast. Movie stars great and small came out for this production, the ultimate production of a screenplay that's been floating around since the Great Depression -- seriously, it was originally written that long ago.

The story is simple: There's no real plot or central character -- aside from a $20 that makes it way from a random pickup across several days and dozens of handlers. From a homeless woman (Linda Hunt) intent on buying a lottery ticket with it to the G-string of a stripper (Melora Walters) to a pair of thieves (Christopher Lloyd and Steve Buscemi) to many more characters normal and exotic, the bill gets filthier and filthier until its ultimate demise (and rebirth, back in the hands of Hunt's street urchin).

Continue reading: Twenty Bucks Review

Daylight Review


Weak
Pretty stupid Poseidon Adventure/Towering Inferno/Die Hard wannabe, with Sylvester Stallone (as disgraced paramedic) rescuing a ton of people from a collapsed, burning, air-limited tunnel. Oh dear! Some interesting set building (yep, looks like a tunnel) doesn't come close to making up for the cheeseball dialogue, action scenes, and attempts by Stallone at looking "serious."
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Leslie Bohem Movies

Safe Haven Movie Review

Safe Haven Movie Review

Nicholas Sparks strikes again with yet another film based on a misty-eyed novel about tormented...

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Dante's Peak Movie Review

Dante's Peak Movie Review

For those keeping score, here's the new Hollywood movie formula: Twister - tornado +...

The Alamo (2004) Movie Review

The Alamo (2004) Movie Review

A soldier's life has been famously characterized by hours of boredom punctuated by moments of...

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