Take away the stagey but sensational, industrial-hip tap dance numbers, and all that's left of "Bootmen" is cheap, embarrassingly unoriginal, melodramatic-romantic swill.
An Aussie import about Newcastle steel workers who wish they were Broadway hoofers, the movie is nothing but one-dimensional stock characters trudging through a trite retread plot, waiting for the soundtrack to kick in so they can get jiggy.
Boy-band cute Adam Garcia ("Coyote Ugly") is the mildly rebellious son of long-dead mom and an unsupportive, hard-drinking pop (Richard Carter) who thinks his son should give up his aspirations and resign himself to a blue collar life. "You've never even seen me tap!" Garcia whines.
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Margarita or margherita? It's all the same to Liam Gallagher.