Lawrence Konner

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Superman IV: The Quest for Peace Review


Unbearable
Christopher Reeve allegedly insisted that if he was going to slum his way through a fourth Superman movie, it would have to involve a story about nuclear disarmament. Noble, yes, but after Supe tosses all the nukes into the sun, Lex Luthor tosses token villain "Nuclear Man" (Mark Pillow, whose career was promptly killed after this debacle) into the mix. Pathetic battle, combined with the usual "hide that secret identity!" subplot, ensues. Worst of all are the special effects: I didn't think you could make an entire movie on a bluescreen in 1987, but damn if director Sidney J. Furie doesn't try. I've also never seen people falling sooo sloooooowlyyyyyyyyyy. Avoid!

Mighty Joe Young (1998) Review


Good
I'm beginning to get fed up. Over my four years as a critic, the thing which has kept me going is the moderate balance of films. The good balances the bad. I try to see both in equal proportions. But Disney's Mighty Joe Young remake marks the fourth week in which I haven't seen a truly terrible movie.

It's a backwards machismo, I suppose, the urge to see the things which you so loathe; but I need to see a bad film every once in a while. And, you know what, Mighty Joe Young doesn't qualify.

Continue reading: Mighty Joe Young (1998) Review

Mighty Joe Young Review


Good
I'm beginning to get fed up. Over my four years as a critic, the thing which has kept me going is the moderate balance of films. The good balances the bad. I try to see both in equal proportions. But Disney's Mighty Joe Young remake marks the fourth week in which I haven't seen a truly terrible movie.

It's a backwards machismo, I suppose, the urge to see the things which you so loathe; but I need to see a bad film every once in a while. And, you know what, Mighty Joe Young doesn't qualify.

Continue reading: Mighty Joe Young Review

Superman IV: The Quest for Peace Review


Unbearable
Christopher Reeve allegedly insisted that if he was going to slum his way through a fourth Superman movie, it would have to involve a story about nuclear disarmament. Noble, yes, but after Supe tosses all the nukes into the sun, Lex Luthor tosses token villain "Nuclear Man" (Mark Pillow, whose career was promptly killed after this debacle) into the mix. Pathetic battle, combined with the usual "hide that secret identity!" subplot, ensues. Worst of all are the special effects: I didn't think you could make an entire movie on a bluescreen in 1987, but damn if director Sidney J. Furie doesn't try. I've also never seen people falling sooo sloooooowlyyyyyyyyyy. Avoid!

Mercury Rising Review


Unbearable
Autistic boy (played to laughable hideousness by the talent-free Miko Hughes) breaks super-secret government code because he "can just see it." Um, okay.

Continue reading: Mercury Rising Review

Planet of the Apes (2001) Review


Unbearable
Tim Burton has now completed his evolution from the brilliant director of macabre stories about outcast individuals yearning for acceptance, and into a studio monkey whose name is used as part of multi-tiered marketing materials for crap movies. And here he hits rock bottom, with Planet of the Apes.

I didn't expect much from this latest "interpretation" of Pierre Boulle's classic novel Planet of the Apes. I mean, how could you top the force and impact of the original film, intelligently co-scripted by Rod Serling (of Twilight Zone fame) combined with the overbearing Chuck Heston growling and yelling at those "damn dirty apes," in one of his best roles of his career? Sadly, I sat down to watch Burton's version of Planet of the Apes and within the first 20 minutes, I was checking my watch and my girlfriend (a big fan of the original film) started to nod off.

Continue reading: Planet of the Apes (2001) Review

Mona Lisa Smile Review


OK
For most of us, a satirical review of the stuffy attitudes and strict behaviors of the 1950s as seen in Mona Lisa Smile provides a refreshing contrast to our relaxed manners today. Unfortunately, this is all I got from Smile, despite the film's best intentions to present themes of feminine independence. It's an excellent message for young women that should be embraced; yet the film completely betrays this mission by giving us a one-sided central character with a very narrow-minded viewpoint.

Smile stars Julia Roberts as Katherine Watson, a new teacher who has accepted a position to teach art history at Wellesley - the all women college in Massachusetts. Much to her dismay, the progressive thinking taught in California is not embraced by the stiff administrators at Wellesley, and prompts comments like, "You didn't come to Wellesley to help people find their way, you came to help people find your way."

Continue reading: Mona Lisa Smile Review

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