Now there probably is a rundown mental hospital in Kentucky, but that's about where the truth of Death Tunnel (oh God, that title) ends. As near as I can tell -- as the film not only makes no sense, it's told in flash-forward for the bulk of the movie) -- the film begins in a bar, as the five coeds with the largest breasts are recruited (or sort-of kidnapped) to participate in a game (or some kind of torture) in the aforementioned abandoned mental institution. The girls are knocked out, bound, and their faces covered with gas masks. When they wake up, they're in the hospital with unclear goals, though we presume they're supposed to escape. A voice over the intercom intones the film's catchphrase -- "five floors, five girls, five hours" -- which is somehow the basis for the movie.
Continue reading: Death Tunnel Review
Never mind the story (it's spring break, co-eds descend on an uncle's house, plan a party, tease each other, and have some kind of bet), there's little more to this than the opportunity to see a bevy of busty beauties haltingly deliver their lines while they're frolicking in hot tubs, showers, the ocean, and wet t-shirt contests in and out of their tops and frequently in slow motion.
Continue reading: Malibu Spring Break Review
'Smalls Change (Meditations Upon Ageing)' arrives in April.
The two awards have made for a great 72nd birthday present for the country music icon.