The story is sad and pathetic, unbelievable for more than a second to anyone with less than 45% alcohol in his or her blood stream. Lori Heuring "stars" as a mental hospital patient who, on the recommendation of her doctor, is released so she can work at the aforementioned resort for the summer -- in order to see how far she's coming along with her adjustment back into the world. Here she encounters all manner of nut-job rich kids, provoking the question of who's more insane, her or the people she is serving as a cabana girl?
Continue reading: The In Crowd Review
Then again, Waters might have come up with something funny, like Pecker. With such a meaty topic as Family Values ripe for a send-up, you'd think it would be easy to milk Cheerleader for comic value. Unfortunately, first-time feature director Jamie Babbit (whose few credits including directing the MTV series Undressed and acting as script supervisor on The Game) doesn't appear to have much ability behind the camera, which becomes painfully apparent after only a few minutes.
Continue reading: But I'm A Cheerleader Review
From first-time writer/director Danny Comden, an erstwhile actor who has starred in some of Hollywood's biggest duds (Fast Sofa, Highway, Urban Legend), comes the oh-so-cleverly-titled Sol Goode, with Getty starring as an unemployed actor type by the titular name. Say it out loud.
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In full, the plot of The Bachelor is that Chris O'Donnell has 27 hours to tie the knot, which would assure him of a $100 million inheritance and cozy jobs for life for himself and all of his friends. Unfortunately, he already monumentally botched his proposal to his girlfriend, Renee Zellweger (I won't bother with character names here; I didn't remember them, you won't either). Wacky hijinks ensue, and we all hope desperately it will work out for the best between Chris and Renee.
Continue reading: The Bachelor Review
Robert Zemeckis' self-indulgent direction hangs like an albatross around the celluloid neck of "What Lies Beneath," a soft-peddled yuppie horror flick that could have been -- with some fine tuning -- a sharp and genuinely scary thriller.
Forty minutes longer than necessary and featuring a cry-scream-and-run climax so drawn out that every ounce of tension evaporates from the screen half an hour before the credits roll, it's a frustrating movie to watch because of all the wasted potential.
Anything but a standard teens-in-peril slasher movie, "What Lies Beneath" stars Michelle Pfeiffer as a New England mom with empty nest syndrome after packing her daughter off to college in the opening scenes. Now alone in the house a lot, she becomes a busy body, spying on the new next door neighbors and witnessing what she thinks is a murder.
Continue reading: What Lies Beneath Review
Making only a minimal effort to be any different or better than the hundreds of other forgettable, predictable, almost-married-the-wrong-guy romantic comedies that have come before it, "Sweet Home Alabama" has the benefit of a talented, appealing cast and the burden of being entirely dependent on clichés to drive its story.
Reese Witherspoon stars as Melanie Carmichael, a rising-star designer in New York's fashion world who is downright giddy about her new engagement to the political mover-and-shaker son (Patrick Dempsey) of the city's image-conscious mayor (Candice Bergen). In the movie's most romantic scene, Mr. Wonderful proposes by getting down on one knee at Tiffany's, which he's arranged to stay open after hours, and telling her to pick any ring she wants.
But there's one little wrinkle Melanie's fiancé doesn't know about: Before she can marry him, she'll have to divorce her hayseed childhood sweetheart back in small-town Alabama. A handsome, blue-eyed charmer named Jake (Josh Lucas, "A Beautiful Mind") with a playful Paul Newman smirk, she did nothing but fight with him once the magic wore off their relationship, so Melanie bailed out to follow her ambition.
Continue reading: Sweet Home Alabama Review
I have only one complaint about the latest of David Lynch's B-movie noir flicks for cinema intellectuals, but it's a big one.
The first 90 minutes of "Mulholland Drive" give no hint where the story might be headed. Instead of sticking with his primary story -- about a pretty, fresh-off-the-bus actress getting mixed up in a dark, esoteric phantasm of a Hollywood mystery -- Lynch drags his feet by running several tangential subplots up the flagpole, then leaving them flapping in the wind.
The argument could be made that these episodes are for atmosphere. One dead-end thread unfolds in the ominous offices of a movie production company, where a cryptic, crippled, mobster midget (good ol' David Lynch!) manipulates the lives of susceptible industry denizens from inside a dark, velvet-flocked room. Another follows a cocky, arrogant young director (Justin Theroux) who is being forced by the midget's men to cast a particular blonde starlet in his next film. He crosses paths with our heroine, but only in a superficial way.
Continue reading: Mulholland Drive Review
Director Ivan Reitman goes rummaging around in his "Ghostbusters" bag of tricks to give his new comedy "Evolution" all the trappings of a major laugh fest -- but the one thing he forgot was the major laughs.
Until the picture hits a slight stride about half way through, its few weak snickers come mostly from knowing winks at the intentional irony of David Duchovny starring in what is, for all practical purposes, a spoof of "The X-Files."
Duchovny and Orlando Jones ("Say It Isn't So," "Double Take") star as quack professors at an Arizona community college who discover living microbes on a meteor that crashes to Earth near their campus. Flush with scientific exhilaration, they soon realize these lifeforms are evolving at an exponential rate. In a day they've become multi-celled organisms. Hours later they're extraterrestrial worms. By the time the military inevitably shows up to take control and kick the professors off their own project, full-blown insects and reptilian critters have appeared.
Continue reading: Evolution Review
Designed for maximum sexploitation while still coming in under the PG-13 mark, "The In Crowd" is a movie about back-stabbing, barely legal country club hotties with WonderBra wardrobes and soap opera lives.
It has membrane-thin plot about a sultry teenage psych ward out-patient (Lori Heuring) who gets a job at a Hamptons resort and falls in with the manipulative queen bee of the trust fund pack. It stars an assemblage interchangeable daytime drama cast-offs who meow their way through one-dimensional roles that don't require talent so much as shampoo commercial hair and firm, round breasts.
The primary mission of this vaguely deliberate festival of fresh-faced actress indignity seems to be crowbarring into the narrative as many cheap peeks at naked boobs as possible. See-through bras and wet white shirts are abundant. On a couple occasions, the movie grinds to a halt for a quick glimpse of bare nipple. And just for good measure, there's a little girl-girl action thrown in.
Continue reading: The In Crowd Review
Rising star Charlie Hunnam has made the jump from British television actor to movie star. According to him, it's not because of what he knows, but who he used to know.
Charlie Hunnam, formerly known for 'Queer As Folk' is set to appear in 'Cold Mountain' in December. But according to the actor, it was his ultimately doomed marriage to Katherine Towne which led to him making his way in Hollywood - mainly because her father is an Oscar-winning screenwriter.
The English-born actor divorced from Towne in 2002 after four years of marriage. He admits that being married to the daughter of the 'Chinatown' and 'Mission Impossible' screenwriter was to driving force behind his transformation from Television actor to movie star. Hunnam explained his relationship with Katherine, saying: "We met at an audition for 'Dawson's Creek' and bonded over our mutual distress at being there in the first place."
It's Monday morning and my bones hurt. I'm tired, hung-over, and there's a slight ringing in my ears.