Joe (Ashmore) isn't hugely thrilled that his best pal Dan (Zegers) has invited his girlfriend Parker (Bell) along for a day of skiing. But she comes in handy when they need to charm the chairlift operator (Ackerman) into giving them a free ride. On the other hand, on their last trip up the mountain the lift is switched off for the week, and they're stranded in the chair. With a storm rolling in. And wolves braying for blood beneath them.
Continue reading: Frozen Review
But for Hodder, true leading man status has always been elusive, even within the genre context he is best known for. Of course, he must have hoped this would change with the all important turn as Dennis Rader in this fictionalized account of the B.T.K. killer's story. To his credit, he's the very best thing in this made-on-the-cheap thriller. Sadly, everything else around him is pretty much awful.
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Green's agenda is to return the horror genre to a lean mixture of gore and humor, as well as reestablishing the notion of horror iconography. His icon is Victor Crowley, a double-decker-sized mutant hillbilly relegated to the swamps of New Orleans. As you might suspect, Victor finds himself in the mood for a festive homicide when a boatload of tourists on a haunted swamp tour get stuck near his burnt-out family shack. Soon enough, Victor begins tossing limbs and torsos every which way while impaling and mutilating any body that has the good fortune of staying in one piece. It becomes the charge of a vengeful girl (Tamara Feldman) and a nerdy so-and-so (Joel Moore) to escape Crowley's clutches, heartbeats intact.
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Take Jason Goes to Hell, for example, the ninth film in the series. It opens with a satisfying riff on the Friday status quo: A lone woman rattles around an abandoned cabin, draws a bath, puts on a towel, and gets chased by hulking uber-slasher Jason Voorhees... into some open brush, at which point she executes a diving roll and Jason is beset by a hail of special ops bullets, and then blown to hilarious bits by what we can only assume to be Monty Python's Holy Hand Grenade.
Continue reading: Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday Review
Nope. Not even close. If Bad Moon is at the bottom of the barrel, DarkWolf is buried far, far beneath. Although it appeals to its target audience of horny teenagers and sex-deprived old men by featuring plenty of blood and boobs, the movie completely lacks everything else.
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Some of these boogeymen are the real deal -- Leatherface (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre) at the end of the film, Freddy Krueger (A Nightmare on Elm Street) in his finest hour, Jason (Friday the 13th) chasing a towel-wrapped co-ed, Pinhead (Hellraiser) ripping apart some dude. These are memorable horror baddies who haunted us during our youth. Then there are scenes from Wishmaster, Leprechaun, The Guardian, and even The Dentist -- not only is it not scary, it's silly and insulting to the other villains (like Psycho's Norman Bates) in the lineup. The Puppetmaster? And The Ugly? I've never even heard of The Ugly.
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For starters, the film drops its descriptive Friday the 13th moniker, and in the process, forgets its roots. Ignoring the fact that hockey mask-sporting Jason Voorhees had his Final Chapter in 1984 or was banished to hell in 1993's The Final Friday, the new Jason X opens with the ruthless fiend (Kane Hodder) awaiting cryogenic treatment at the Crystal Lake Research Facility. Scientists interested in exploring Jason's ability to rapidly regenerate cell tissue delay the deep freeze just long enough for Voorhees to pull a Harry Houdini, though, and Jason promptly slaughters the entire egg-headed bunch. Take that, science! Only gorgeous Dr. Rowan (Lexa Doig) is spared, and while she's able to trap Jason in a cryogenic chamber, a leak in the equipment freezes her in the process. Ah, cryogenics - just another link in the long chain of similarities between Jason and entertainment czar Walt Disney. But I digress.
Continue reading: Jason X Review
How someone could make a genuinely boring slasher flick about "Friday the 13th's" Jason Voorhees in outer space is beyond me. Stupid, sure. Badly acted? I'd expect nothing less. Not scary? Well, let's face it: none of the "Friday the 13th" movies have ever been scary. But boring?
Even though I've never been entertained by a single film in this franchise about an indestructible maniac in a hockey mask who guts horny teenagers, I was actually looking forward to this installment. I figured the producers were going for camp value this time -- and in fact, I think that might have been what they were doing. I mean, Jason thaws out of a cryogenic freeze in 2455 and starts cutting up casting couch bimbos on a space ship. If that isn't meant to be the series' most intentionally ridiculous extreme, I don't know what is.
And what about that cast of cardboard-pretty 20-somethings, who are probably already back to serving coffee at Starbucks since this movie was made two years ago? They're so uniformly and painfully untalented that you have to wonder if the people with the worst auditions were given parts in the movie on purpose.
Continue reading: Jason X Review
An unremarkably routine superhero movie based on the cult-favorite comic book about a satanically-costumed blind vigilante, "Daredevil" plays like a C-grade grad project for a night school course called Superhero Filmmaking 101.
Faithful to his inspiration -- the era of "Daredevil" issues written by "Batman" revitalizer Frank Miller and comic-crazy film director Kevin Smith -- in several important details, writer-director Mark Steven Johnson's one stroke of true genius comes in the pulses of fluid, misty, ghostly imagery he uses to depict the sightless crime fighter's enhanced ability to "see" through sound waves and smells.
But most of the picture apes its action style -- and many whole fight scenes -- from last year's "Spider-Man." It has the same ineffectual opening voice-over, the same unconvincingly CGI-assisted rooftop leaping and building-swinging (Daredevil uses a grappling-hook-modified walking cane instead of spider-webbing) and its hero has the same slow-mo back-flip method of dodging weapons thrown by villains.
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Set in the beautiful Swiss Alps, Youth sees Michael Caine & Harvey Keitel in a fine piece of work.
This biopic gallops through the career of groundbreaking gangsta rappers N.W.A, working its way through a checklist of the major events.
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Like an antidote to vacuous blockbusters, this intelligent, thoughtful drama packs more intensity into a quiet conversation than any number of...