Jordan Kerner

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SMURFS 2 Premiere

Jordan Kerner - Celebrities attend COLUMBIA PICTURES "SMURFS 2" Premiere at Regency Village Theatre - Los Angeles, CA, United States - Sunday 28th July 2013

Jordan Kerner
Jordan Kerner
Jordan Kerner

The Smurfs Review


Weak
A simplistic approach means that this charming adventure-comedy will only appeal to very young children. While it's lively and enjoyably silly, there's just not enough wit in the story or characters, nor enough skill in the animation.

Life is idyllic for the tiny blue Smurfs, whose village is hidden from view in a European valley. But the evil-but-hapless wizard Gargamel (Azaria) wants to capture their magical essence and, when he finds their village, he chases six of them through a vortex that dumps them into Manhattan. Lost in the city, the Smurfs befriend Patrick (Harris) and his pregnant wife Grace (Mays), whose help they need to both escape Gargamel and regenerate the vortex to get home.

Meanwhile, Patrick's under pressure from his boss (Vergara) to come up with an ad campaign.

Continue reading: The Smurfs Review

Charlotte's Web (2006) Review


OK
That's sooooooooooooooooome Dakota Fanning!

It's only a mild heresy to turn a beloved children's book and animated film into a star vehicle for the wee Miss Fanning, the go-to child actress who has become Hollywood's only A-list star under the age of 13. The only real surprise is that she doesn't have her own production company yet.

Continue reading: Charlotte's Web (2006) Review

Up Close And Personal Review


OK
If nothing else, Up Close And Personal will remind you just how hideous the hairstyles of the 1980s were, especially among media personalities. Fortunately, the film accomplishes a lot more than that, giving us a nice romance that isn't harmed too much by its attempts at melodrama.

Up Close And Personal tells the loosely-based-on-reality story of Sally (who becomes Tally) Atwater (Michelle Pfeiffer), a vain upstart girl from Reno who wants to make it big in television. Robert Redford costars as Warren Justice, a Miami news director who gives her her big break and takes her under his wing. Under his influence, Tally is transformed from brash loudmouth to The Next Big Thing, and of course, the two fall madly in love along the way.

Continue reading: Up Close And Personal Review

Funny About Love Review


OK
Funny fact about Funny About Love: Though the box cover and poster feature Gene Wilder with a baby on his head, there's no baby in this movie. At least not until the last two minutes... and it's not even Wilder's!

In fact, people expecting another Three Men and a Baby are going to be sorely disappointed: For such a frivolous image and goofy title, this is serious stuff. Wilder plays a comic strip artist who finds he's really, really anxious to have a kid. Unfortunately, things don't quite click biologically with his new wife (Christine Lahti), and after years of trying, they call it quits -- not just on the baby, but on the marriage too.

Continue reading: Funny About Love Review

Snow Dogs Review


Terrible
When I first saw the trailer for Snow Dogs in front of Monsters, Inc., I couldn't believe what I was seeing or hearing. Cuba Gooding Jr. as a dentist in Miami who inherits a house and a team of sled dogs in Alaska, and chooses to move there and make the best of things. It's all kind of a blur, but then there were a lot of shots of him being cold; him being a city "slicker" in the wilderness; and him screaming because he's either slipping, falling, being dragged, or being chased by some kind of animal. All the while, "Who Let the Dogs Out" plays over his screams.

I thought, "Man, how surreally bad." Comedian David Cross has a joke about how he keeps a list of great money making ideas he came up with while stoned. A kid's sled dog movie about a black dentist from Miami has to be one of them.

Continue reading: Snow Dogs Review

Inspector Gadget Review


Terrible
I'll admit to watching the early 1980s' Inspector Gadget cartoon, and probably far too late in life.

Looks like now I'm waaaaay too old for this kind of thing, but judging by the mute stares of the many children in our advance screening audience, maybe they are too.

Continue reading: Inspector Gadget Review

Less Than Zero Review


Unbearable
I am probably one of about five people in the world who got this, but, in Bret Easton Ellis' American Psycho there is a conversation that takes place in a video store relating to why the clerk should know who Jami Gertz is. Patrick Bateman mentions something about her being in a Diet Coke ad. Being an avid fan of Ellis, I know that American Psycho was written in about 1988. So, based on the fact that the adaptation of his 1985 novel Less Than Zero came out in 1987, I suppose he liked the film. I, on the other hand, did not.

I've seen better and I've seen worse, but, you know what, I think there are better ways to remember the 80s than watching Robert Downey Jr when he only acted like he was high, instead of actually being it. I know that the point of the book was to display the laisse-faire nihilism that is/was so characteristic of LA, and thus showing someone who played at being high and ended up being a regular customer of Betty Ford should be a touch of bittersweet irony, but its not.

Continue reading: Less Than Zero Review

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