John Mctiernan

John Mctiernan

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Rollerball (2002) Review


Unbearable
Seeing a movie remake inevitably leads viewers to make comparisons, matching up new casting choices, storylines, and updated themes. It happens all the time, as moviegoers may catch Open Your Eyes (Abre Los Ojos) or the original Thomas Crown Affair on video so they can compare, contrast, discuss. Well, it won't happen with Rollerball, a remake of the 1975 futuristic sports thriller, because the John McTiernan-directed update is so thoroughly bad, so outrageously uninteresting, and so poorly presented that it demands no comparison, perhaps not even to other terrible movies.

In line with the James Caan version, Jonathan Cross (the horrid Chris Klein) is a young hotshot athlete playing the dangerous, thrill-seeking game of Rollerball, a roller derby-style sport that pits armor-clad combatants on skates and motorcycles against one another, hoping to slam a metal ball into a goal.

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The 13th Warrior Review


Weak
Take a little Braveheart, take a little Beowulf. Mix them together with a bit of The Goonies, and you've got yourself The 13th Warrior.

Here, at last, is a movie that is exactly what you expect it's going to be. From the opening scene, where Ahmed Ibn Fahdlan (Banderas) is shipped across the world for political reasons, to the end, where Ahmed finds himself an unlikely hero amidst a group of Norse warriors, this is a traditional, big, action movie from start to finish.

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Die Hard: With A Vengeance Review


Weak
Die Hard. This time, it's personal.

To make the long and extremely silly plotline of Die Hard With a Vengeance short, it breaks down like this. John McClane (Bruce Willis) is back in New York City where he's separated from his wife. The brother of Hans Gruber, from the original Die Hard, is out to get McClane and make some cash for himself in the process, bringing a pack of East German stooges with him to cause trouble. Add to this the character Zeus (Samuel L. Jackson), a Harlem shop owner, who becomes McClane's unlikely sidekick, and a whole lotta bombs exploding all over the city, and what do you get? Well, I still haven't figured that out.

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John Mctiernan

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